there there kitten

The least-kept secret of what I love best about winter - SNOW!

2012-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

“The first fall of snow is not only an event,
it is a magical event”

Snow.

I love snow.

At the first flakes I see falling, I call my Mom and we gleefully look outside, sharing the joy of winter's gift we've waited for all season. I cannot hide my excitement, nor my happiness, when our Spring-like city is covered in white for a while.

I love to walk in the snow. I love the crunchy-squinchy sound it makes under my boots. I didn't like it when I was a child, it grated like nails on a chalkboard, but I've grown to miss it and now glad don my old boots and crunch away while I can.

I love the way it brightens up the dark winter nights, illuminating the shadowy corners, giving them a soft blue glow when maybe a few nights before there was only inky blackness.

I love when snow softly falls. I am one of the few adults who still try to catch snowflakes on my tongue. It's like nature's game; they dodge left and right or over your head, zooming past, never wanting to die and melt at the touch of your skin or the heat of your mouth.

I love watching my dog spring to life as soon as we enter the snowy world outside. Though she is only two years old and still young, at the slight of snow she strains at the leash and acts like a new pup, rolling and routing her nose in endless snow tunnels beneath the sparkling surface. She leaps through doggy-chest-high snowdrifts and gulps down frosty mouthfuls of the stuff, making for a great cold snack after playing her puppyish winter games.

I love that where I live, snow sometimes means the city shuts down for a day, maybe two. The streets are emptied as not many want to try driving on the slippery and dangerous roads. They see it as an annoyance or a fear whereas I see it as a game, a fun and thrilling sport. Don't get me wrong, I drive safely, slowly, defensively, as I have learned, but I am not too afraid to venture out if possible. My vehicle becomes my sled and I the musher.

I always pray for a white Christmas, true, a prayer not often answered. The glow of coloured lights reflecting on the white snow, the soft gleam of a white wonderland that sparkled back on an evening walk sends shivers through my heart. I would love a white Christmas every year.

In the snow, I am the child I am allowed to be. When I get the chance, I love to sled, toboggan, ski, slide, crazy-carpet, make snowmen, snow angels, or have a snowball fight. (I draw the line at nasty "face-washes". Those are what older brothers do to their little sister when they can get away with it.)

I love the tingling feeling when hands are too cold and wet from making snowballs or the feel of a scarf wrapped tight up to my nose because it means we have snow.

I was born on the prairies and remember making snow forts inside drifts several feet high. I love the warmth of mittens with mom-provided heat packs and snow pants, the way they swish-swash.

For many, many reasons more, I love it when it snows. My family knows this, as do my friends, even my co-workers. I cannot keep it inside.

I.
Love.
Snow.

Do you?

A "Fast" Update - Not all 6s & 7s...

2012-01-16T01:28:00.001-08:00

Day 6 & 7
So here I am...on the eve of my last day of one of the most difficult tasks I've ever committed to. A Fast.

Both yesterday and today have been tremendous mental and physical battles. A battle of wills - Will I cave? Will I fail? Will I pass out? Will I stay strong? Will I give in and just take a taste of peanut butter? Will my stomach ever stop growling?

It is not easy to break off deep, ingrained routines and habits cold turkey (mmm, turkey....). Such strong and natural instincts that have been with us since we were babies.

Something so simple as: "I'm hungry...I eat."

But in fasting, in denying ourselves of something, whether is be food altogether, or certain foods, or fasting from TV or other activities, we should be fixing our attention on God and on honouring Him.

I honestly do not know how I got to end Day 7 on my water/juice/broth fast. Everyday I expected to give up or cave in to some temptation, even just a tiny bite. The truth is, God carried me. He helped me shut off those impulses when temptation struck me or snuck up on me. He reminded me that He is my strength when I am weak.

The hardest moment in the past few days was last night, Day 6. I was getting quite relaxed and used to not eating, but when I went out with a friend to the movies and smelled the familiar smells and saw everyone around me eating and snacking on some of my favourite treats I was constantly turning off that switch, over and over again, saying no in my head. My relaxation in my fasting turned into nightmarish, teeth-gritting, fist clenching pure will power with strength that can come only from leaning on God. I didn't give in and not even one kernel of popcorn passed my lips.

Please understand, I am not writing about this to be proud or boast, I am trying to share my experience with you so if you are fasting or if you ever decide to try it, you will not feel so alone. I've been madly blundering through this first fasting experience and have probably broken every decorum and proper way of doing this. I feel that God has gifted me with the ability to write and I want to use that gift to honour Him. I hope that if you are taking part in any sort of fast this year that you feel encouraged and find your way to leaning on God the way I have this week.

Tomorrow is Day 8 and I find myself altering my fast plans a bit.I've been feeling physically very tired over Day 6 & 7, as well as quite weak, shaky and nauseous. I've been planning out the first foods I'll eat soon and tonight I honestly felt like I needed to sit down and have something more substantial in my system than juice. I heated up a bit of squash soup and I already feel much better. It kind of feels like I gave in, even though the soup is the same consistency of some of the fruit juices I have been drinking. Yet, I don't feel like I've finished. I feel like I've obeyed God as best I can and also listened to when I need to stay healthy and acted accordingly.

A few articles and blogs about fasting had this tip, "If you accidentally break a fast, do not use it as an excuse to stop fasting altogether, just pick up where you left off." And that is what I intend to do.

Today I read a passage in Isaiah about fasting and the true ideal of what would happen and how God would bless communities like ours if we would fast and be kind and gracious to others.
"I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again." ~ Isaiah 58:11-12
That is the kind of life and blessing I would love to hold on to.

My prayer for today - "God, make me a better version of myself. Help me to be kind, helpful and loving. Constantly remind me to fix my attention on You and not on the things of this world that give us pleasure and entertain us.
Teach me humility. Help me to place my fears into Your strong hands and let You guide my everyday decisions.
God, bless my family, my friends and my community. Thank-you for the opportunity to strive to know You better. Thank-you for keeping me safe and healthy and help me be a steward of all that You have given me, that I might use it all to bless others and honour You. I trust You. I love You. Amen."

A "Fast" Update - Four, Five & Friday!

2012-01-13T16:04:00.001-08:00

DAY FOUR & FIVE
Thank-you to everyone who has encouraged me and sent me their love. I only ever want to use this blog as a place to encourage others and as a way to express myself.

Oh yes, it is Friday and I'm more than halfway done my 8 day fast!

I'm thanking God that my work week is ending and I can have some time tomorrow to possibly NAP!

My fast is still going strong, I've been tempted but still have held out on the solid foods. I think my brain and body have finally switched off the impulse feeling that I MUST EAT something. Yes, I still have hunger pangs and 'empty' feeling moments, but they quickly pass as I drink some water and think bout something else.

The main issue I have been having for the past 2 days has been sleep. It's taken me a long time to fall asleep lately and I wake up so very tired. I feel like I could fall asleep any moment of the day if I just put my head down to rest....Yet, God is helping me stay strong and close to Him.

My latest find has been Campbell's Beef Broth. It's great to be able to heat something up when I've been so chilled and tired. I also have just tried BoltHouse Farms juices, they aren't clear juices but healthy and full of nutrients.

I've been enjoying some time with friends this week and I am now realizing how much we snack when we used to get together. And our snacking had become a bit on the bad side...candies and chips and other deliciously nasty things that were a waste of calories. I really truly hope that after this time of giving up food that I can control my impulses and chose more wisely what I want to snack on. I hope that I can make healthier choices and I know I will still continue to lean on God to help me in that area.

Today on my lunch hour I walked my feisty little dog, Willow, down on the beach. (see the above photo! Can you find the blue heron?) The weather is chilly but it feels so fresh and crisp. (I hope we at least get a few days of snow.)

Happy weekend everyone!

A "Fast" Update - Painting-by-Numbers

2012-01-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

DAY THREE:
Well, here I am, and Day 3 is over and done with. I never, ever thought that I would have lasted this long. Honestly.

I'm not the type of person who sticks things out. I'm a starter, not a closer.Over the years I've tried all sorts of hobbies, past times, activities and I say tried, because that's what ends up happening; I try them. Full stop.

I usually try something for a little while, feel it out, see if I enjoy it, and most of the time I do. But what always seems to happen is that something else comes along to catch my eye and take my attention away. (Maybe I'm secretly a magpie, distracted by what's new and shiny!)

I have a closet full of "trys" - I have a box of paint-by-numbers that I spent several hours on but only managed to use a couple colours until it was put away never to see the light of day again. I have a violin I never play and guitar I haven't quite learned, and any number of crafts and activities, from bead looms to rollerblades, I've dabbled with but never stuck to.

I know it's okay to try things out and learn what you like or what you're good at, it just feels like my whole life is full of "just trying" something.

When I decided to commit to this 21 Day Challenge and begin with an all-liquid first 8 days, I seriously thought I would cave after the first day. But something happened. I made it through day one. Then it happened again, I made it through day two. And now, once more, I've managed to make it through another whole day.

I will admit that I've been temped. Oh yes, I've been sorely tempted! I've thought a lot about just a little cheat here or there. No one would know. But I would know. And God would know. I wouldn't feel right about this commitment if I cheated even a little. I don't mean cheating like forgetting for a moment and putting some milk in some tea or something, I mean cheated as is giving in to the mental barrage of that little voice telling me, "Oh, go on, and eat something. You'll feel better. Wouldn't that be so good? You wouldn't have to tell anyone! You're sooo hungry, just a bit?" I have honestly been battling that awful tempting voice all day today. I really did not think I would make it through. I've thought a lot about Jesus' time in the desert being tempted. I know that my little puny experience does not even come close to Christ’s', but I can imagine how difficult that time would have been. How easy it would have been to use His power even just a little bit to ease His own discomfort. Wow!

God tells us that He would never put us through something beyond what we are able to handle, with His help. He would never expect me to battle any temptation and be able succeed on my own. Maybe I could win out on my own steam, some of the time. But He doesn't expect me to have to. He is there for me. Even in this silly little commitment that I've made with just Him. Because, really, who cares if I do this fast or not? It's not a life or death situation. I'm not doing it for a reward or for someone else. I'm making this sacrifice of going without to help me understand what it is to totally depend on God. I've never battled so hard with such temptation in my life. And I've never prayed as much as I have in the past few days. They may be just little prayers, said quickly to take my mind off my hunger or longer prayers, praying for someone else to take the focus off what my body was telling me, but I've never felt so close to God as I do right now.

I also really want to say that, yes, I've posted all about this fast and my struggles on this blog, for all the world to read if they so choose, but I am not writing about this for any other reason than to help keep myself accountable. I know most people would keep something like the fact that they are fasting much more private, maybe I should have, too. But I'm not most people.

I can tell you this, if I had not told a single soul about this fast commitment you can bet your boots I would not have lasted five whole minutes! Even if I had told only a few people, I'm pretty sure I would not have made it this far. Writing about this experience and knowing that others can read about my progress has helped keep me in check.

I keep a lot of my life just under the surface, not really visible for most people to see, so if this had been a closed, personal struggle, chances are I would have given up quickly and no one would have been the wiser. Only I would have known why I was feeling down once again and why my life stayed in the stagnant state it's been in instead of taking this opportunity to break my vicious cycle and make a change.

I write also because I want to encourage others not to give up. To try something new and try to lean on God to stick with it as best they can.

I still may not last for the days I've committed to, and after these three days, if tomorrow I decides to alter my plans (and I would only do that if I had any major physical problem that was keeping me from staying healthy) then I would be okay with that. I want to do my best. I want to keep my word to God and let Him in to help me through.

Sometimes, people like me think that their best is always second-best; that our best efforts will never be good enough. And surrendering to that feeling of failure when really we have done our best is a sin in itself. God doesn't see any of us as second-best. He only sees the purity of our hearts. If we've done out best with what He has given us then we should know that He is proud of us and loves us just the same. Even if we do fail, if we give up and if we surrender, the amazing fact is God loves us even then. We could sit around and do nothing, commit to nothing, try nothing and yes, He will love us. Yet when we do and when we try and when we trust that's when the blessings will pour over us.

Our struggles are not in vain. They make us who we are, they shape our character at how we deal with pain and they help us to relate to those around us.

I hope I have been able to relate to someone else out there. I hope I can be an encouragement, a light and put a smile on someone's face sometime. I hope what I go through can be a blessing to you.

I'm trying to finish what I've started. It may not go as planned and my course may alter, but at least I am trying and trusting on God.

A "Fast" Update - Still Standing!

2012-01-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

DAY TWO:
Well, so far, so good with my first two days of fasting. I've had a few weak moments and some angry hunger gremlins that seem to crawl right up my throat, but overall, I feel good and am doing well.

Every time I feel hungry or the urge to get something to eat I remind myself of why I am doing this. I remind myself that I can go without for once in my life. I remind myself that God is with me and He can let this experience bring me closer to Him. This afternoon I even took any hungry moment to stop and pray for someone in my family, taking my mind off myself.

As for what I am consuming to stay standing: lots of water, it's easier at work where we have a nice cold filtered water jug, but I've also been drinking 100% (not from concentrate) pressed apple juice. Today I tried a V8 Blueberry with vegetables juice and I just could not trick my mind into drinking a whole glass. It somehow doesn't taste right to me so later I might try it with a straw to fool myself that it's a delicious smoothie.

My best find so far is Organic (low sodium) Vegetable and Chicken Broth. The Vegetable is okay, I added a bit of pepper, and the chicken is soothing; it's so simple but nourishing and it feels so nice to have something warm. I may add pepper to it next time as it did lack much flavour, but afterall, flavour is not what I'm after. Mainly I just need it to be drinkable and palatable in as simple a way possible. I've also bought Mushroom Broth, and we'll see how desperate I am later on this week to try it.

In the photo you can see a big V8 Vegetable juice jug...I have been too chicken to try it yet. I eventually will and I'm sure I will let you know what I think (and what my tastebuds do to me!). Hopefully it will just be another tool to keep me alive and kicking without making me gag. I have memories as a child of my mom dirnking tomato juice at supper with a little salt and pepper and I couldn't imagine wanting to drink that! So, we'll see!

I still have my doubts that I can last the full 8 days that I've committed to this liquid fast, but I'm taking it one piece of a day at a time...Morning, done, check! Afternoon...done, check! I am really glad to be writing all this down, my thoughts and feelings and the whole experience. This something so new to me that I don't want to forget it, no matter how long I last this week.

Here is another photo of my new motivator friend, Samson. Most of the time he looks like he's dead, half-floating near the surface. However, when I walk by or stop to look into his glass globe, he wiggles his fins and moves around a bit to prove to me he's not yet a goner and I shouldn't warm up the porcelain waterslide to the aquatic afterlife. He's a very pretty puple/pink combination and I think I might just start calling him Samson the Magnificent.

Ta for now!

A "Fast" Update - Meet my new little motivator!

2012-01-10T00:06:00.000-08:00

Day...One-Point-Five
Okay, it's now been only 12 hours since I began my fast...and I am sliding down the slippery slope of weakening with mental hunger!

I know it's mostly in my mind; the human body can last without solid food for quite a while, but it strikes me at how much I am actually just craving the ritual of going to the kitchen and getting something to eat. My feet have been trying to walk to the fridge and hands want to make something, open something, heat up something! Wow, I never realized it would be this difficult this early on! (Man, my mouth is watering just thinking about it! Stop it, traitorous salivary glands!)

Yet, I am surviving. I've been enjoying some fruit juices and I warmed up some organic, low sodium vegetable broth this evening. I've been keeping myself busy, taking down all my Christmas decorations, organizing them, going through them all only keeping what I really love and actually used this year. I went down an entire box from what I usually have stored away.

I also went out to a few store. I bought some new yarn to start that scarf-knitting project, but I haven't gotten to it yet. I'll start that tomorrow. I picked up an assortment of juices and broth to try out and while I was out I also picked up a new little morale-booster friend - met my home's newest addition "Samson" the Siamese Fighting Fish.

If you know me well you know that I used to be a bit, shall we say, obsessed with fish. At one point I had seven aquariums and about 6 of these little fellas on the side. Over the course of my last few house moves, I pared my tanks down to one, then when I got my puppy, Willow 2 years ago I sold my last tank to a nice family in the country...seriously.

I've been meaning to get another fish for a while and tonight seemed like the perfect time. Something else to keep my mind busy and a reminder every time I walk by him that God can give me the strength to do my best. (Because of his name, Samson...get it?) I'm sure there will be better photos of him once he settles into his new bachelor pad. Maybe I should get him a nice bamboo stalk with some leaves for shelter...hmm....

So here's to Samson, my pretty little reminder and new pal - I raise my glass of delicious water to you!

(So, yeah, okay, I just read this post and maybe I'm going a little loopy with hunger already...ah well, it is what it is. Good-night!)

21 Day Challenge....Impossible Quest?

2012-01-09T15:48:00.001-08:00

Today our community at Adore is holding their Second Annual 21-Day Challenge of Fasting and Prayer.

Have you ever fasted before? I mean on purpose, not by accident or because you ran out of food and didn't feel like going to the grocery store so you made it through the evening by ignoring the hunger pangs and waiting until morning.

Here in Canada we are so blessed to have so much food and variety of food right at our fingertips! I mean really, for only a few dollars we could eat a day's worth of calories; they wouldn't be all that great for you probably, but it can be done.And for those of us with steady employment do we take it for granted that we can go shop for whatever foods we desire or go out to eat at a restaraunt almost any time?

I have never fasted before...let alone missed a meal if I could help it. I admit it, I like food. I like the socal aspect of eating out with friends and family, of hosting people in my home for a meal or snacks. I like the taste of (almost) anything, I like the ritual of preparing and eating something yummy. I just plain old like food.

What goes right along with that admission is the fact that I've always struggled with weight issues. I don't have one of those magical metabolism that a handful of lean people have where they can eat anything and stay trim and I haven't gained or learned the strong mental and self-control it takes to keep myself fit and not always at least a bit overweight.

So the challege for me this month is going to be extremely difficult. I reasearched for a quite a while and prayed about it and I am going to try something I've never tried before - my very first fast. Maybe you think this is crazy and you don't understand it, but I will be careful and be smart about my health, don't worry. There are many resources out there about fasting and I know I will also have support and help from my Adore community and pastors.

I've decided that an entire 21-day fast with nothing but water and liquid would be extremely difficult and I doubt I would last, but I also think that just pairing down to say something like a "Daniel Fast" (only water with as much fruits, veggies and nuts as you want) might also be difficult in that I think I would slip up more often because I would be eating and would easily fall back into eating something I shouldn't.

So what to do? I then found a medial blog about fasting and I got and idea about a possible plan that just might work for me. The plan is 8-3-10: 8 days of water and juice (supposed to be freshly made veggie juice, but I'll do my best), then 3 days to slowly come off of it and ease your body back into solids, then 10-days of something like the "Daniel Fast". This plan gives your body 8 days to cleanse itself (it takes the first 3 to get rid of any food previously eaten!) and then slowly gets you back to where you can start eating healthy and still stay off the heavy garbage from before.

I want to do this. I want to do it not just to try and kick start my new year with a few pounds lost (though that is a great bonus), but I want to do this to give up something and to learn to trust God daily instead of just when I need Him when something goes wrong. I want to try it. I may fail, I mean I really do expect myself to fail, but I want to at least try it.

I'll be posting daily to let you know how I'm doing and to keep my hands and mind busy on something other than eating. But I also want to use my blog to be accountable so I won't give up.

DAY ONE:
I can update you all right now to say that it's 3:30 pm on Monday and I am getting my very first hunger pangs. Ouch! It's the really squnichy kind that I can almost hear crackling behind my ears. Do you ever get those kind?

I have some fruit juices in the house but I'm going to go out soon and buy some healthy vegetable juices and broths, too. (Apparently a trick is to drink a big glass of water first then then some juice.)

I am also going to take a trip to the Michael's craft store and pick up some new yarn and try to learn how to knit a scarf. That's my new 'keep my hands busy' project for this week!

Pray for me - pray that I stay strong and rely on God to help me through. And pray that I have the courage to stick with this and not give in and fail too quickly. I'm praying for any of you who are doing some sort of fast, too. It's not too late to start!

I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Knitting and Knowing - A Bumpy Project

2012-01-07T22:28:00.001-08:00

Have you ever started a project or wanted to learn a new skill and tried to do it all on your own?

How did that work out for you?

Sometimes, yes, we can make it on our own, climb that mountain, finish what we started and all turns out well. However, most of the time we need help or instruction or at least tips from those who have gone before us or have already done what we wish to do.

The photo to the left is an example of one of my foray into a new craft: knitting. Can you tell what it is that I just finished? No? Me neither.

Just recently I learned how to knit. Okay, I'll admit it, I am totally still learning how to knit. A friend and I picked up our brand new needles a few weeks ago and after a quick intro on how to begin our fingers took off and the strands of yarn began to weave together into...something.

Everything seemed to be going okay...needle through a loop, push it out, wrap around...basic knitting jargon. After a while I realized that my 25 loops that were supposed to remain consistent all the way to the end on my piece had suddenly turned into over 40! Um, excuse me? How the heck did I even do that? And wait, there is a hole way back there and a dropped stitch there...wait just a minute! My work looked nothing like all the nice scarves or potholders or dish clothes that I had pictured in my head when I began.

What started out as an easy task suddenly became frustrating and annoying and I had to stop. I didn't quit, but I knew I needed help. I put my weird and lopsided knitting down and popped onto the ever-so-resourceful internet to watch a few tutorials on how to go from my 40 loops back down to my starting point of 25. I quickly learned how I had inadvertently increased and now how to decrease my stitches as well as a few other pointers, like how to correctly hold my needles. (Turns out I had been doing practically everything wrong!)

Later I also asked someone (a knitting expert) how they would have fixed my problem, and without hesitation they said I should have pulled it all apart and started over. No big deal. Just overlook the fact that I'd already put in a few hours of work to make this lovely...wonky...lobed piece of material.

Okay, true, it wasn't pretty but this was my first attempt and I didn't want to pull it all out, start over and have it look perfect. I liked the wonkiness and the lopsided bits I had created. Maybe it will never win any knitting awards or even be anything really functional, but my very first knitting project will be memorable to me.

After seeing the video tutorials I picked my needles back up and continued on. I decreased where I needed to and even fixed a few dropped stitches as I went. This time my lines were straight, with no holes or pulls and I finally continued on to the end where I again looked up advice on how to finish the piece, or "cast off" as we knitters call it.

I'm proud of my first knitted project. It's ugly and bumpy but it's mine, created by me and I can now look back and see where I went wrong and where I needed to ask for help.

I could never have finished it without stopping and knowing I was in over my head. I like learning new skills and I know that no matter what I try there are those around me who I can go to and ask for assistance. I don't have to feel alone and live life frustrated and on the verge of giving up.

Maybe next time when I get stumped I will pull everything apart and start over, ending up with a pretty piece, but this time I'm glad to see the lump and bumps of my progress.

A Silly Christmas Tradition

2012-01-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

I remember the first time I started what has now become a silly tradition for me at Christmas time. I was about 13 or 14 and I was spending my extra dollars from babysitting on gifts for my family when I saw it...something with my name on it! Literally, the item had my first name on it!

You know that section of any gift store with pens or magnets with name after name of "Jennifer, or "David" inscribed on these personalized items? I never, ever, find my name on those racks. I may find a "Kristin" or "Kristy" but "Kirsten" is just too unique, I guess.

So this silly Christmas tradition of mine has nothing to do with baking, or decorating, or caroling. It does have something to do with gifts. Actually it has something to do with one gift. And it may seem a wee bit selfish but every year I end up finding, buying, wrapping and opening a gift with no one listed in the "From" section on the tag. This gift FOR me is actually "From"....me!

It happened quite by accident that first year. I was finishing up my shopping, browsing around the mall, when there it was - a cute, easy-looking cross-stitch craft kit of a little stocking with the name "Kirsten" on the sample image. (Not that it actually had my name inscribed on it, like all those pens and magnets, but the sample used my name!) Never before had I ever seen my name, with the exact spelling, used on any product!

I was young and impulsive, so I bought the little craft kit and smiled to myself and I knew exactly what I would do. I would wrap and place the gift under the tree, address it to myself and perhaps even write that it was from "Santa". I smiled thinking about that moment when I opened it and feigned surprise. My parents and siblings would look at each other and wonder who had bought that gift. Silly, yes, but it made me happy to think of that funny moment, almost like I'd played a trick on them all.

That moment came, and yes, they were all dumbfounded. I saw the wondering looks from my mom to my dad, saying "Did you get that for her?" "Not me, you?" And yes, it was a funny moment that I enjoyed immensely!

It just so happens that every year since, while out shopping for everyone else, I always seem to find a little something that catches my eye that I pick up and wrap and place under the tree or in my own stocking.

It is quite silly and maybe a tad selfish but it just seems to happen. It's my own funny Christmas tradition. (Don't get me wrong, I am a very giving person and love buying loads of gifts for the people in my life!)

This year I was browsing at a local store I have fallen in love with, "Lazy Susan's", a mix of vintage and new items in the Fairfield Plaza, when I came across some new items they must have just put out. They had a rack full of journals and the covers were made from old books or Scrabble Boards or cut square records and bound with a random assortment of papers to make them new again.

One stood out to me and I just had to grab it. The cover was from an old book that I actually own called, "Minnow Vail". I found the book it at my grandparent's house on a bookshelf and my mom remembered it from her teen years. The story is cute and campy of a tomboyish girl who yearns to grow up and be seen as a child no longer but a pretty young woman. To quote from the cover, "She was assured, too, of what she had always suspected - that growing up was a wonderfully complicated and exciting experience." - something I am still being reminded of even at my own age.

My family has many other fun and meaningful Christmas traditions I'll share in more detail some other time. Maybe I'll tell you about all the yummy and savoury treats my mom makes or how we wrap every little item in our stockings...from the smallest earring to even a bar of soap, or maybe I'll tell you about the special Christmas decorating that we do every year. I'll tell you...some other time.

Do you do anything silly around Christmas time?
Any weird traditions?

My "List" for the year 2012

2012-01-05T23:29:00.001-08:00

January 2012...most of us make lists of resolutions, or "To Do" lists, lists of things we regret we did not do last year or lists of things we want to do this year. Have you made such a list?

I just cracked open a brand new journal that I got for Christmas (an annual self-bought-gift...more on that another time) and started making a list for myself for 2012. Not so much a list of resolutions, but more of a list of reminders.

I don't regret my time in 2011, but when I look back, I can't help but wonder if I acutally used my precious, God-given time to its' full advantage. Did I take every opportunity and make the most of it? Could I have done more? Been more? Loved more? Helped more? Did I let fear guide me instead of trust? What would 2011 have looked like if I had changed one moment?

Yet 2011 is now over and done and all I have are the days before me to make a difference, to explore and enjoy. I yearn for an adventure! I want to go places and have things happen to me! However, I know if I want some things to happen, I might need to go out and make them happen for myself.

That being said in very random order,

Here is my 2012 LIST:

Travel more
Enjoy more theatre and concerts
Hike!
Recycle more
Go through and donate stuff
Write real letters
Figure out more about ME
Longer walks with Willow (my dog)
Learn my guitar
Trust God everyday
Thanks people more
SMILE More!
Train more people to cover my job (so I can do #1-2!)
Learn new skills
Finish a project
CRAFT FAIRS!
Make lots of jewelry (see #16)
Read more (less TV!)
Cut out Diet Coke!
LOVE MORE!
write write write!!!!!

I'm sure I will want to alter and edit this list, but here it is, my wishes, hopes, wants, thoughts for 2012 as of January 5th.

What is YOUR list for 2012??

Gettin' Crafty! - Scrabble Tile Ornaments

2011-12-22T16:16:00.000-08:00

Have you been getting crafty this Christmas season? Have you gotten the itch to burn your fingertips on hot glue or smell the heady scent of Modge Podge or cover something with felt or paint?

Well a few of my friends and I have been getting our "craft fix" on this winter season preparing gifts and tree ornaments and all manner of other creative projects. We usually get together for a casual "Girl's Night" once a week if possible so for the past month or so we've been hauling our boxes, bags and containers of felt, beads, wire, glue and buttons to each other's houses for Craft Night. We worked on our own crafts or projects or borrowed pieces and supplies from each other to try something new.

Here is an example in my new favourite Christmas Tree Ornament - Scrabble Tile Words

My good friend C (author of "Blessed Motherhood") scoured the local thrift shops and found TWO intact Scrabble board games for us to ravage. We spent about two+ craft nights working on this fun project.

What we used:
- Numerous Scrabble tiles, enough to make many words
- Hot glue gun
- Card stock paper (we used ugly pages from C's scrap booking card stock booklet)
- Ribbon or twine for the hanging loop
- Felt for the backing
Step One:
- Spend a fun half hour or so making your Scrabble words on a table of other flat surface that won't be disturbed.
- We chose to do Christmas-relevant words like "Bells" or "Snow" or "Love". A few were a little long like "Sleigh" or "Jingle" but we just kept making as many as we could with the letters we had left.
- While C worked on another craft, I got the words ready, mostly making one for her and one for me.
- We found many of the "popular" letters were used up quickly, like "S" and "G".

Step Two:
Have Ready:
a) Glue gun all hot and bothered, er, hot and ready by now.
b) Cut a piece of card stock to fit your word. (You can trim it later if it's too big but it works and looks better if the card stock is barely smaller than the word.)
- Hot glue a line or dots onto the card stock and gently place your tiles (correctly spelled) as straight as possible.
- Press the tiles firmly together and onto the card stock.
* I started out wanting to glue between the tiles to make sure the word didn't bend, but once all the glue and layers are on that doesn't happen anyway.

((Now we found it worked to either do ALL of the card stock Step Two at once before going on to the next step
OR if you have a crafting buddy, have one person start the card stock step then the second person start the next step.))

Step Three:
Have ready:
a) your cut ribbon or twine (we used both) pieces handy - they should be around 4-6 inches in length, for your loop hanger and
b) cut pieces of felt (any colour, we used grey), to fit over the entire back of the word, covering the card stock, making the back look nice

- Place a small glob/dot of hot glue on the back, card stock side, of your word in the centre.
- Quickly place both ends of your ribbon onto the hot glue and gently press down to flatten, try to avoid burning your fingers! Oh and also try NOT to glue the loop on upside down as in my photo of the "INN" ornament...I was able to pull it off and fix it, though.
- While that glue is still warm and malleable, put more hot glue around the edges of the card stock and a few dots in the centre along the back of your word tiles.
- Place the cut piece of felt gently over the glue and move into place so it looks straight and gently press down to flatten (again, watch out for the hot glue!).

Step Four:
- Hang on your tree and enjoy your fun Scrabble Christmas Ornaments!!!

Note: I didn't take as many photos as I would have liked, but here are a couple other ideas.

Christmas is almost here...

2011-12-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

It's getting closer and closer to Christmas and multicoloured and white lights line the streets and edge the houses; they twinkle and blink and glow, brightening up our winter-dark world. The shiny bright sparkle of ornament-covered trees peek through windows and let the neighbourhood know that Christmas is coming.Batches of cookies shaped like stars, trees, wreaths, and angels line up and wait to be iced and packed for gifts or displayed on platters for post-holiday meal snacking. Christmas is coming.

The music of the Season, whether slow and angelic or jazzy and fun, change the mood in every shopping mall and alter which radio presets are more frequently used in December. They tell of Santa coming to town or a reindeer with a rosy nose or a snowman with a silk top hat or of letting it snow. The haunting melodies of the coming Christ-child fill the air with a mystical wonder of how God packaged himself in the delicate arms of a baby to bring us closer to Him and save us. Christmas is coming.

Advent calendars are almost empty, shopping bags are full of surprises and fridges are being stocked for the big feast. The parties have started, with laughter, gift-giving, games and treats...Christmas is coming.

Some may not have as much as others and charity and help and support is being sought out more than any other time of the year. Food drives are asking, community dinners are finalizing their plans and charities remind you to give all around you. Christmas is coming.

Children count down the sleeps until the night they have been waiting for arrives. Parents wrap late into the night. Grandparents travel or prepare their homes for family to arrive. Snow falls anywhere it can and most of us appreciate the soft white glow that makes the night seem brighter. Christmas is coming.

Lists are made and crossed out one item at a time, turkeys thaw and stuffing prepared, carols are chosen for candlelight Christmas Eve services. Pageants are played out with the likeness of all the Nativity characters in makeshift costumes and homemade wings. Christmas is coming.

The star showed the way and angels spread the word. A weary couple stagger into a town where no room but for some hay amoung the animals can be made for them. And then beyond the low murmur of cattle and sheep, with the piercing cry of a newborn, a baby is born in the night.

Christmas has come.

Our Saviour was born without the trill of a trumpet or a wordy and expensive announcement in every newspaper; He came lowly and quiet with only his mother and earthly father and a few animals to share that precious moment.

Christ arrived as a baby, a human child, yet the Son of God.

This year, let Christmas come to you, though your home may be full or your cupboards empty, let Him fill your world with the warmth of what this Season means - a baby was born to save us all!

The Birth of Christ - by Gerard van Honthorst 1622

Current Reviews - TV, Books, Movies

2011-12-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't love a good evening of entertainment?
Ahhh the glow and flash of a TV late at night or the crisp sound of a page being turned or the excitement of getting out and seeing a story played out on a huge theatre screen! What fun!
Have you tried any new TV shows this season? Read any new books lately? Or seen any current movies? Like them? Hate them?

Every so often I take a moment to look back and review a few new shows or books I've enjoyed...or simply just made it through.
Here are my most current thoughts:

Anyone who knows me knows I love movies! I love going to movies and the experience of deciding what to see, getting popcorn or smuggling in drug store candy or the occasional slurpee in my bag! I love buying and owning movies, too, and have quite a large collection of DVDs to chose from.

I also enjoy Television. I have not actually had cable TV for about eight years now, yet I always find ways to watch new and old show that I enjoy. (I may write a post someday to share about my TV procurement ways.)

And, of course, one of my favourite means of entertainment will always be found in the written word. I love books! I love how books smell (whether old and musty, or like a school library and soda crackers, or crisp and new with a certain gluey-chemical smell!), I love the feel of books in my hand and I love discovering new and interesting books from random second-hand stores or big chains alike. Nothing is better than getting comfy on a couch and curling up to read for a while or, for me, reading for that hour or so before going to sleep. If a story is engaging enough I may even read deep into the night without realizing it!

So here is my latest review of what entertaining mediums have been floating around my word in the last while. Enjoy and agree or disagree.

Television:

The New Girl - Cute, funny, awkward - Zooey Deschanel stars in this quirky comedy based on a recently broken-up gal moving in with three guys. You get to see the differences in how girls and guys live, what they do for fun, how they respect, or don't respect, privacy and boundaries and how friends/roommates become a smaller version of family. Deschanel is one of my favourite actresses at the moment and in this series she's "TV ugly/awkward" and constantly making me laugh.

Pan Am - I'm not too sure about this show just yet. I'm more intrigued by the fashion and world travel than by the so-so acting out of 1950's semi-spy drama.

TerraNova - This should be my kind of show and yet I'm only partially hooked. It's like Jurassic Park meets a family soap opera with the drill sergant guy right out of Avatar! The special effects are quite decent and movie-like, but the family/teenage drama is kind of getting boring. I'm longing to have some of the "Lost"-like mysteries unveiled a little further.

Grimm - What would you do if you just found out you are one of the last decedents of the Brothers Grimm and fated to battle the gruesome and ugly supernatural creatures that threaten your fellow humans? This show can't decide if it's a comedy, cop-drama, thriller or mystery...and so far I like it!

Downton Abbey - A British mini-series like no other. Gorgeous cinematography, excellent characters, top notch acting and episodes that will keep you hungry for more. The series follows an upper-crust gentry family and the fate of their lineage with three daughters and no male heir to carry on the name and their fortunes. The era is WW1 and I found it immensely interesting to find out more about the time period of my great-grandparents.

Books:

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins - A very dark young reader series about a possible future where the government keeps control of the population by requiring them to hold a yearly lottery where two children from each district battle to the death on camera broadcast to the entire country. One girl is determined to survive to keep her family alive and becomes the face of a revolution against those in power. I enjoyed the read and look forward to the film versions coming out starting in 2012 but I would never recommend these books to actual young readers, much too dark.
There's a Seal in my Sleeping Bag by Lyn Hancock - I've been working away at this book for a few months and keep coming back to it. Married couple ecologists and ornithologists from Vancouver Island chronicle their early years of marriage where they studied, caught, tagged, observed and raised bald eagles, seals, and many other west coast wildlife and sea birds. The book is written matter-of-factly, without mush embellishment and humour but the exciting and funny circumstances they find themselves in make up for the basic writing style.

Movies:

The Three Musketeers (in 3D) - Eh...great fighting scenes and sword play, poor acting and a smattering of difference accents that ruined the effect for me. It tried to be a little Steampunk for the sake of being popular but the film was totally wreaked by the use of Milla Jovovich! ANYONE else should have played her part! * * 2 stars out of 5
The Help - Apparently the book was not great but I chose to see the film anyway. I really liked the premise - a Southern white young woman looking to get ahead in a future career in journalism decided to write a book from the point of view of the black housekeepers and cooks. There is humour and yet outrage a the treatment of fellow humans in our recent past. * * * * 4/5 stars
Horrible Bosses - Funny, crude, outrageous - * * 2/5 stars
Friends with Benefits - Funny, fluffy girly movie - * * * 3/5 stars
Larry Crowne - Very fun, touching, inspiring, cute! * * * * 4/5 stars
Harry Potter (final) - Concluded this long series, tied loose ends, left me satisfied. * * * * * 5/5 stars
Transformers: The Dark of the Moon - Much better than the 2nd instalment, fun, lots of action, less silliness - * * * * 4/5 stars
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan - Interesting, great costumes, lame written-for-film present-day storyline - * * 2/3 stars
The Change-Up - Crude, funny, crude, cute male leads, crude - * 1/5 stars
Captain America - Lots of action, interesting storyline from WW2, not the best comic movie, too much of a set up for the upcoming Avengers - * * 2/5 stars
X-Men: First Class - Great X-Men film, loved the story of how these characters began, great acting and leads, fun movie - * * * * 4/5 stars
Thor - Action, mix of comic and mythology, too much of a set up for the upcoming Avengers - * * 2/5 stars
Bridesmaids - I just may have seen this several times, funny, silly, girly, a little gross in parts, awesome song at the wedding! - * * * 3/5 stars
Source Code - Action, mystery, intrigue, touching (as much as an action movie can be) - * * * * 4/5 stars
Bad Teacher - Silly, crude, a little shocking, funny in parts - * * 2/5 stars
Hanna - One of the BEST action movies I've seen in a very long time! A young girl is raised by her 'father' in the snowy north, constantly trained in combat and survival skills until the day comes when he must leave and she must take on an enemy she has never met. Her skills help her figure out her clouded past and secure her freedom in the future. Excellent film!! - * * * * * 5/5 stars
The King's Speech - On the brink of WW1 a nervous and new king must reassure his country with the help of a controversial speech therapist. I wasn't sure if I would like this film and how they would take on the topic of a speech impediment, but it was handled tastefully and inspiringly. - * * * * * 5/5 stars (some strong language!)

Phewph!! That's my list of reviews for now. I have many more I could share with you soon. I'll have to make a regular routine of updating so they won't all come out in a tumble!

Keep checking my blog and comment anytime. I'd love to see who reads and who lurks.

A-Z Answer Me This!

2011-11-09T12:45:00.001-08:00

A-Z Answer Me This:

A. Age: 32.9
B. Bed size: King...hey it was a freebie and Willow the Westie is a bed hog.
C. Chore that you hate: Washing Dishes!
D. Dogs, Dragons: Dog AND Dragons...if they were possible...maybe a very small shoulder-riding dragon.
E. Essential start to your day: Press "Snooze" three times, get up, shower, walk the dog...Ahhh, fresh air!
F. Favorite color: Blue, it's always been blue.
G. Gold or Silver: Silver for sure!
H. Height: 5’4″, just barely. I'm used to being the shortest.
I. Instruments you play: Violin, but not for a while.
J. Job title: "Communications Co-ordinator" - basically a jumble of creating posters, brochures, websites, type-editing, and all visual media.K. Kids: Not yet, though I've always wanted a few! One day, one day!
L. Live: in Victoria...the prettiest small city around! A good mix of big city amenities and small city space.
M. Mother’s name: Dorinda - best Mom around!
N. Nicknames: Kirkir, Kirst, Koisten, Little Missy
O. Overnight hospital stays: Only once...not fun, room full of snoring old ladies, I stayed up and watched Xena in the TV room.
P. Pet peeves: Slow drivers, people who speak like every sentence is a question?, bad drivers, chewing with mouth full
Q. Quote from a movie: "You don't need scores of suitors. You only need one, if he's the right one."
R. Right or left handed: Righty
S. Siblings: Older brother and older sister. I'm the baby.
T. Type of car: Sapphire Blue Nissan Versa Hatchback
U. Underwear: Comfy...Cost-Co...
V. Vegetable you hate: This is difficult...I don't hate any, but my not-so-favourites-but-I'd-still-eat would be: green peppers, kale, sometimes sprouts and garbanzo beans
W. What makes you run late: Everything! Wasting time, waking up late, too much time walking the dog, hair mishaps, red lights, slow drivers, myself! I am always going to be there at XX-ish.....which means 10 min after I actually say.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Hmmm, I don't think I've ever had one...unless at the dentist counts, then lots!
Y. Yummy food that you make: Chocolate chip Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Squares, Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes, Veggie stir fry
Z. Zoo animal: Any kind of monkey, Giraffes, Lions or Tigers...I love the Zoo! (Yes, I would rather see animals in the wild, but most Zoos do a lot to save endangered species and bring the public closer to understanding animals they would never encounter in their lives.)

What's your A-Z Answer Me This?

Things I've Never Done

2011-11-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing "Life Lists" on many blogs lately (Angry Julie, Mama Kat) so I felt compelled to try out my own version.

I am 32 years, 11 months and 2 days old.

And I have never:

1. Drank a cup of coffee

2. Been outside North America

3. Seen the Niagara Falls

4. Watched "The Notebook"

5. Hunted an animal

6. Pet a dolphin

7. Gone on a cruise

8. Driven a bus

9. Run any kind of marathon

10. Knit anything

11. Tried surfing

12. Written a novel

13. Broken a bone

14. Help sail a boat

15. Sat on a Mexican beach

16. Sold anything over the Internet

17. Gotten a tattoo

18. Bungee jumped

19. Been to New York

20. Been engaged (to be married)

21. Tasted a beer!

What's your "Never Done" list?

Star Light, Star Bright...

2011-08-24T12:11:00.005-07:00

Last night when I got I home after spending some time with a good friend, I took Willow, my two-year old Westie for a nice walk around my neighbourhood.

The air was cool but it wasn't windy so it felt lovely after the few warm days we've had. And as we walked I noticed that the sky was so clear and full of bright stars. We walked down to one of my favourite little spots right on the ocean front and I just stared up at the sky for a while.

There were bright, sparkling stars that seemed to flicker and twinkle as if they were candles in the windows of the heavens. There were faint dots of light I could barely make out with my tired eyes that blanketed the background of the sky. There were also a few moving specs of light, satellites sailing across the dome above us, circling our world and giving us information or connecting us in ways I can't explain.

Earlier in the evening, as darkness crept over the horizon, my friend and I spotted a very bright moving object and later she looked it up and it was the International Space Station traveling so fast across the sky.

We talked about how some people set up special lasers here on earth that target satellites or the space station and can actually calculate the laser to ping off those objects so many miles away. We talked about how amazingly accurate their calculations have to be because if you move one millimeter here on earth, the laser could be miles off from its target.

Standing over the rocks with small gurgling waves sloshing over them, I gazed deep into all of this vast expanse of light and dark, bright and dim, and objects moving so far above me. Suddenly, I felt so small and so insignificant, like I was nothing compared to the stars and galaxies and space. How could I matter? How could I be a somebody on this singular planet that is only a tiny part of our huge universe?

But then I remembered...
I remembered that God created everything, including me.
I remembered that even before I was born Christ died for me.
While I was still being formed inside my mother, God loved me and had a plan for my little life.
I remembered that He created me to be creative, to have fun, to laugh, to cry, to feel for others, to learn, to teach, to walk, to run, to dance, to love.
God makes us matter.

Yes, we are a small part of this vast and ever-expanding universe, but here, on our planet, in our community, we matter. We can chose whether to love or hate, to ignore or stand up, to follow or lead. We have a choice and when I think long enough about that choice I am so glad I have such hope and love in choosing to let God into my life.

Without God, I would truly be lost and insignificant. I would only live for myself and I probably wouldn't matter too much.

With God, His love shines brightly through me, as bright as any star flickering in the dark night sky.

Walking Uphill - it's not as bad as you'd think.

2011-08-21T00:42:00.008-07:00

Someone recently told me that I needed to update my blog...I guess that means that a few people at least actually read my blog from time to time. So. here I am updating and writing.

My fear of the blank page is being thwarted once again! Horrah!

Many, many things have happened since I last wrote a meaty, beefy, full post!

Side Note:
Many things have happened, yet why is it that the several times this summer that I have met up with friends I haven't spoken to for ages and they ask me "What's new with you?" all I can think to answer is "Oh, not much, same as always."?
No, my job hasn't changed much, no, I haven't moved or relocated, no, there is nothing really new on the relationship front, and no, I haven't won the lottery, travelled the globe, or discovered the cure for the common cold.
But....my little life is full of little pleasures and small changes for the better every week.

Back to Life: (..."back to reality..." she hums in the background...)

I feel like I have been slowly trudging up a long winding hill without even knowing it. It hasn't been easy and I've stumbled many times and tried to go back downwards because it was easier that direction. But here I am, finally realizing that my life has been on an uphill course and I actually don't mind it!

This realization has actually lightened my load and helped me to straighten up and walk taller.

In the past six months or so I have been more encouraged and more poured into and more filled with hope and promise than I have felt in the past 3 years!

I can't pin point all the encouraging times I've been through but I can highlight a few exact times and places or people who have lifted my head and given me insight.

My walk, both with God and through my journey of life has both seemed easy and difficult. Easy in the sense that I have been healthy, well-loved by family and friends, came from a Christian background, always had a home and food to eat. But difficult in the sense that I often feel like the inner circle around me is moving so fast and yet my life is dragging and I am always waiting for my life to begin; like I am on the outside always looking in on the cosy, warm lives everyone else has.

For a few years I leaned towards dwelling on the difficulties I faced; feelings of aloneness, sadness, inequality, anger.

But now, after learning once again to trust in God every day; to hand over the reigns and know that a backseat stagecoach driver is never a good thing, I am finally edging out the difficulties from the majority of my thoughts and trying to dwell on the hopeful and positive aspects of my world.

My family has been my biggest cheerleader squad throughout my life and I would not want to change a thing about them all. My parents are always there for me with a hug, a prayer, an encouraging word or even a helpful and gentle critique when needed.

My siblings are my closest friends even if we don't talk everyday. I love them dearly and wish we could all live closer.

My Christian heritage from both sides continually surprises me in how it affects my daily life. Once in a while I stumble across a letter my Grandmother had written to me on a long ago birthday and I am filled with warmth and love that she writes when telling a story of her youth and wishing me so much love and happiness.
I also recently delved deeper into my knowledge of my Dad's side of the family and found out more about his wonderful grandmother and all the work she did within the Church. And I treasured my time looking into an ancient family Bible, pouring over the names and photos of long gone relatives who have all influenced the way I was raised.

My friends, too, continually lift me up in spirits and in hope. I have a close group of four girl-friends and we try to get together on a regular basis. We chat, watch movies or shows but mostly I love that we keep in touch and are a part of each other's lives. We may not all agree all the time, but we are there for one another at different times to encourage, to cry with, to pray for and to share our journey. I thank God for my dear friends!

Other friends, too play a part in the lifting of the darkness from my shoulders. Some friends (and even cousins that I consider to be good friends) I may not see for a year at a time, but we can always step right back into each others lives as if no time has passed. They are reminders of my childhood and encouragements to my present, always wanting the best for me and wanting to share in the joys life brings us both.

On a daily basis, the people I work with have played a larger part than they know in the brightening of my days. I'm sure if any of my co-workers looked closely at my moods and attitudes over the last couple of years they would wonder what caused me to go from happy-friendly-fun to dreary-don't-bother-me and now (hopefully) all the way back to cheery-amiable-easy-to-work-with-again.
Because we work closely day-to-day they may not have even realized I've been through such a drastic change, or perhaps they are just too polite to ever mention it. :)

Several of my co-workers, whether they know it or not, have been my rocks, my encouragers, my relief from the mundane and my work-day allies. They have built me up, shared interests and ideas, been my venting vault and actually believed in me when I thought I never could. I thank God that he has placed me in such a wonderful atmosphere and with such amazing people to both mentor me and push me outside of my comfy little box!

In rounding out and perhaps finishing this update post I'd like to share one of the times over past few months that have filled and encouraged me.

I was able to attend a conference for my job down in Texas this summer for the second time in two years. I was eager to go, ready to hear about new technology, new gadgets, new ways of doing what I do, and ready to come home with the next great thing that would impress everyone and cause our community to ooo and ahh.

(Secretly, I was even excited at the prospect of being surrounded by possible single Christian men with whom I could talk technology and possibly start some sort of relationship with. Not that I was actively looking...oh, okay, maybe I was a little, but hey, a girl's gotta widen the Christian dating pool somehow, right?)

However, God threw a conference-shaped monkey-wrench into the mix - all was not what I expected.

I was blessed and amazed by a pre-conference round-table where I met people with similar jobs to mine and who faced strikingly similar problems and challenges as my own. I began to feel less and less alone in my struggles and frustrations with my job.

I was also amazed by the quality of conversation amoungst the narrow group of people at the conference itself who create the way I do. Many spoke directly into my life and situation, one young man even bringing me to tears as he felt God speak directly to my frustrations and hone in on what was really bothering me, something I didn't even know I felt until then. I truly valued that late-night gathering where we chatted and troubleshooted each others dilemmas and tried to offer helpful advice and experience.

The final part of what made this conference so unexpectedly amazing was the worship.
Yes, I sit through worship every Sunday while I work, I sing, I feel moved. But this time, as I sat back and had no responsibilities and no one I knew looking in on me...I truly worshipped. I felt like my insides were dancing unashamedly. I felt like I was finally really reaching out to tell God how much I loved him and not just making music to blend in.

I was moved. I was loved. I felt God.

It wasn't the songs or the singing, although I did buy the worship leader's cd so I could learn a few new tunes to worship with.

It wasn't the visuals, especially since I found them a little too simple for my taste and a little too slow on the slide change.

It was the moment when I let down my wall of insecurity and weariness and just let God in. Yes, true, I was outside of my usual place of worship and had nothing to worry about but my own space of worship, that helped, but it was the unabashed eagerness my heart had for letting God in and letting him fill me as I hadn't done for a very long time.

I let Him in.

I came home, not with any majorly new idea, but with an encouraged heart, an uplifted spirit, a happy soul and ready to take my next steps, day by day, in my walk with God. Somehow I have a new outlook on my job and my peers and my future.

Instead of just saying the words, "I know God has a plan for me", I actually, truly believe it. I now walk my uphill journey not knowing what lies over the crest of the mountain top, nor where the next part of my path will turn. I only know that I am safe, that God holds me up when I fall and that I can look forward to the future with a hopeful eagerness as I place one foot in front of the other.

There There Kitten's Full Disclosure

2011-06-08T12:05:00.001-07:00

I just found out that blogs need to have a full disclosure policy because it's the law!
So here is mine:

This policy is valid from 08 June 2011

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me, Kirsten Blackstock. It is a place to share my personal reviews, reflections, creative ideas and inspirations.

As far as money goes, this blog does not make money in any way and does not accept any form of cash advertising, sponsorship, or paid topic insertions. However, we will and do accept and keep free products, services, travel, event tickets, and other forms of compensation from companies and organizations. We would love to sample the creations of others and share our thoughts about them.

Any gifts or compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. Ever. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. Any advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements.

The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, we will only endorse products or services that we believe, based on our expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

If you have any questions regarding this blog, feel free to contact me at theretherekitten {at} gmail {dot} com.

To get your own policy, go to here.

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Time is...

2011-03-16T10:58:00.010-07:00

"Time is

Too Slow for those who Wait,

Too Swift for those who Fear,

Too Long for those who Grieve,

Too Short for those who Rejoice;

But for those who Love,

Time is not.

~ Henry Van Dyke

Time.

When I was young it seemed like I had so much time, yet everything took way too long. Waiting for Jr High, then High School, the wait until I could drive, Graduation...

Then something happened in those years from High School Graduation and the beginning of University...I realized that I missed my younger years already. I missed being a child and having little to no responsibilities, I missed feeling free and unburdened. Not to say that my childhood was perfect in any sense, I mean, it was good and fun, but I had my trials as most children do. If I had to go back and live through my childhood again, knowing what I know now, you can believe that I would stand up to certain bullies, work harder at certain subjects, and never, ever miss an opportunity to have fun!

This feeling of missing my younger years began to shape my personality in my twenties. I wasn't ready to let go and put away childish things. I clung to the fun, the bright, and took chances to keep myself from getting bored or boring. In some ways those years of shaping still linger in me today.

I sometimes feel looked upon by those who know me as silly or childish even if they don't realize their intentions. Yet, I don't let it affect me. I am who I am and I continue to try and cling to what is fun and bright and cheery.

Then once again, time creeps up and I cannot believe that I am already in my thirties! (just barely) Back in my twenties, I would have thought I would be so many different places by now. Perhaps finished another degree at University and teaching or working in a school. Possibly married with a couple of kids. Maybe living somewhere overseas, traveling and enjoying new places. I have done none of those things and I feel like Time weighs heavy on me now.

I no longer wish to be back in my childhood or back where I had more freedom. My life, as it is, now is full of certain freedoms.

Some facts about my current time:
Every one of my close friends are married and I am not.
Every one of my close friends have or are now having children and I am not.

So instead of looking at my life and dwelling on what I do not have...I strive to look at my life and enjoy the Time I have.

I have plenty of Time to myself, time to make choices that only affect me, time for hobbies, movies, pets that I might not otherwise have had if my life had taken other paths.

I'm enjoying my time.

I'm waiting, sure, waiting for that next phase of my life to begin and be shaped, but while I wait I don't sit on the edge and yearn for tomorrow. I am enjoying today. I am taking all my youthful eagerness and energy and focusing it on the todays I have to live.

I know that God has a plan for me and my life. I can trust in Him and let that plan unfold in the time He wants it to.

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. God’s Decree." Jeremiah 29:11-13 (The Message)

Lost Time

"On many an idle day have I grieved over lost time.

But it is never lost, my lord.

Thou hast taken every moment of my life in thine own hands.

Hidden in the heart of things thou art nourishing seeds into sprouts,

buds into blossoms, and ripening flowers into fruitfulness.

I was tired and sleeping on my idle bed

and imagined all work had ceased.

In the morning I woke up

and found my garden full with wonders of flowers."

~ R. Tagore

Of Fire and Water...Where I am in 2011

2011-02-01T16:34:00.016-08:00

Wow, I just realized I have not updated my blog since last August, 2010!

Yes, life has continued with busy and creative work, awesome friends, a great family including my hilarious twin nephews, a fabulous new sister-in-law and two more new nephews (yes, my brother finally got married!) and my puppy Willow getting bigger and filling my days with energy and fun!

I tried a few new things last year and worked on a few projects but I am still not where I would like to be.

Lately I have come to realize...I am exactly where God wants me to be.

I need not fret and worry over what's next or what I should decide or where should I go...only trust, Trust, TRUST that God has the best plans for me. If I complain or am saddened by where I wish I could be in my life, it's like I'm telling God, "You don't know what you're doing. If I had your power I could do it better!!" BUT I now know and rest in the knowledge that God is in control and that He is preparing me for whatever lays ahead. He is making the pieces of my life's puzzle come together in their own way so that the big picture will hold strong!

* * * *

With a strong forearm, the apron-clad blacksmith puts his tongs into the fire, grasps the heated metal, and places it on the anvil. His keen eye examines the glowing piece.
He sees what the tool is now and envisions what he wants it to be--sharper, flatter, wider, longer. With a clear picture in his mind, he begins to pound. His left hand still clutching the hot mass with the tongs, his right hand slams the two-pound sledge upon the moldable metal.
On the solid anvil, the smouldering iron is remolded.
The smith knows the type of instrument he wants. He knows the size. He knows the shape. He knows the strength.
Whang! Whang! The hammer slams. The shop rings with the noise, the air fills with smoke, and the softened metal responds.
But the response doesn't come easily. It doesn't come without discomfort. To melt down the old and recast it as new is a disrupting process. Yet the metal remains on the anvil, allowing the toolmaker to remove the scars, repair the cracks, refill the voids, and purge the impurities.
And with time, a change occurs: What was dull becomes sharpened, what was crooked becomes straight, what was weak becomes strong, and what was useless becomes valuable.
Then the blacksmith stops. He ceases his pounding and sets down his hammer. With a strong left arm, he lifts the tongs until the freshly molded metal is at eye level. In the still silence, he examines the smoking tool. The incandescent implement is rotated and examined for any marks or cracks.
There are none.
Now the smith enters the final stage of his task. He plunges the smouldering instrument into a nearby bucket of water. With a hiss and a rush of steam, the metal immediately begins to harden. The heat surrenders to the onslaught of cool water, and the pliable, soft mineral becomes an unbending useful tool.
On the solid anvil, the smouldering iron is remolded.
The smith knows the type of instrument he wants. He knows the size. He knows the shape. He knows the strength.
Whang! Whang! The hammer slams. The shop rings with the noise, the air fills with smoke, and the softened metal responds.
But the response doesn't come easily. It doesn't come without discomfort. To melt down the old and recast it as new is a disrupting process. Yet the metal remains on the anvil, allowing the toolmaker to remove the scars, repair the cracks, refill the voids, and purge the impurities.
And with time, a change occurs: What was dull becomes sharpened, what was crooked becomes straight, what was weak becomes strong, and what was useless becomes valuable.
Then the blacksmith stops. He ceases his pounding and sets down his hammer. With a strong left arm, he lifts the tongs until the freshly molded metal is at eye level. In the still silence, he examines the smoking tool. The incandescent implement is rotated and examined for any marks or cracks.
There are none.
Now the smith enters the final stage of his task. He plunges the smouldering instrument into a nearby bucket of water. With a hiss and a rush of steam, the metal immediately begins to harden. The heat surrenders to the onslaught of cool water, and the pliable, soft mineral becomes an unbending useful tool.

* * * *

Over the past couple of years I've gone through some lovely high moments as well as some very dark low points.

In those dark times, I feel like I am a piece of hard, unmoving metal that in order to mould and shape God has to plunge me into the searing hot fire so my molecules can be mended and curved and shaped by His hand. Those fiery times have been difficult and heart-wrenching. If you are close to me you may know about one or two of them, but like many of you, I go through many of those times on my own. I have the destructive tendency to let my feelings dig a deep well inside me, not letting them show, as they bury down and fill the empty pit of despair, sadness and depression. I often will put on my well-worn mask of denial and present myself as "fine" or "okay" to everyone around me but many times my days are filled with a tense and exhausting struggle with anger, bitterness and negativity.

Last fall, however, I had a moment of breaking during an evening out with my mom. I knew how I had been feeling and I had been in total denial that anyone around me could sense or feel it, too. She finally told me, very gently, what I already knew...I was not happy. I was not the Kirsten she knew and we both knew that something had to change. To have it said out loud and from someone else was awful. To know that my inside attitude had spilled over so strongly to my outer actions and moods made me feel repulsed at myself.

I could have blamed my unhappiness on any number of areas; my job, my loneliness, where I wished I would be at this age...yet, the only thing I could really blame any unhappiness on was my dwindling relationship with God and my totally lack of trust in Him to guide and provide for me.

Deep in the cracks of my charred heart I knew I had been holding God at arms-length for a long time. Yes, I knew all about what I should be doing and how I should be living. I was leading a "good" life, not committing any really visible atrocities or sins, but I was guilty of all those quiet, hidden sins; those that are a slap in face of God because the outside seems good and right and mostly holy, but the inside is dark and rotting and angry at everything. I knew I wasn't living the way I should or could be living, I knew I was choosing to live in the murmuring world; the place where everything is a complaint, a sarcastic remark, or a depressed thought. Once I knew that I had put myself there, no one else, I knew that the only way back to an semblance of happiness and joy in my daily life was not to keep holding God away from me, but to let go and let Him surround me in His love and care. What I found out in this first step, was that letting go of habits and routines of how you are living is not as easy as it sounds. There is no giant switch to flip to convert directly from Pessimism to Optimism. (Oh, how I wish there was!) The first part of this journey was that feeling that my inner self was burning away. All that darkness and negativity that had built up now battled inside of me with my decision to let go and let some light in. I found my temper still short, my anger still itching to rear its head at any moment and the burning of bitterness like bile in my throat. I thought that the seething fire I felt inside of me was something to rebel against, to try and claw my way out of but now that I look back and I know that once I'd made the conscious decision to get out of my rut and draw closer to God, that fire and burning was God moulding and shaping me as I burned. I struggled every day but now I could turn to God for relief. Each time I chose to lean on Him, He hammered and shaped me, bit by bit, until that small part of me was starting to resemble a new creation.

I am still a nameless and unrecognizable lump of hard metal, and I still get jabbed into the fire from time to time, but now I look forward to the moments of deep relief and love when, after the fire and the hammering, God plunges me into the cold water to solidify and hold in the new habits and the new realizations. Those times are so refreshing and full of the joy of feeling closer to God and knowing that, with His help, I can do anything!

I also still have difficult days, when everything seems to make me angry or I'm in a foul mood, but more and more, I find myself catching my tongue before I say anything short or unkind and I remind myself to let go and let God help me through the day. Honestly, it's a struggle, sometimes moment by moment! Yet, just like learning any new thing, riding a bike, playing an instrument, memorizing lines, the more you practice or rehearse the better you become. I hope to try my best to keep becoming a better version of me.

After these past few months of soul-searching and discovery of how to climb out of my dark place, I now see how much more happy I am. I feel lighter, more joyful and able to let go of most of little annoying things that used to get me down. I am finding more satisfaction in my job, I'm happier to help when someone asks instead of feeling put upon and annoyed. I feel less and less jealous when I look at someone else's life and wish I was in their place. I remind myself to appreciate what I have, the time, the freedom and the ability to spend time with others on short notice because of my freedom.

I know that God will take care of me and I know that He is preparing me with every skill I learn and every relationship I go through. Preparing me for what, I don't yet know, but one day I see where He's taking me. Along the way I will enjoy learning and refining myself in His fire as He shapes me into the person He wants me to be.

* * * *

I have made a few new vows/resolutions/promises for this new year that I will definitely need God's help with: to be more kind, to not dwell on the negative, to get moving and exercise regularly, to eat healthy and cut out all the regular junk, and to keep daily trusting God with my life.

There are many more things I know I need to improve upon but that is a good start. So far, I am doing well. A few friends are joining me at the gym and pool weekly for some great workouts and we are trying to be accountable and encourage each other to stay healthy. Now that I am trying to lean more on God, I'm finding it much easier to daily be more kind and respectful to those around me. As for trusting God, I find my thoughts wander so often to what I want and why I don't have it, and like a scolding teacher I catch myself and rap my mental ruler on my desk to remind myself to give it over to God and let Him arrange things for me. It's a struggle, but a good kind of struggle.

On a side note:
Sometimes I wonder how much we are supposed to do in preparing ourselves for what God has planned for us...I heard a similar question asked in a sermon by a guest speaker not too long ago and his answer was that not all of us heard a booming voice from a burning bush as Moses did. If you see a need, and are able, then fill it! If God has given you a skill or an ability to help someone, then help them. And if you are taking the wrong path, God usually has a way of letting you know, either through the advice of those around you whose wisdom you respect or through road blocks that cause you to turn to a different direction.

For example, if you need a job...don't sit around at home and wait for your dream job to call you, get out there and apply and pray for God to place the right opportunity in front of you.

So at last I've returned to the wonderful world of blogging. I am going to try and keep updating about my goals and the status of my promises but I will also post some new photos of my family and events from the past few months and those to come.

Stay tuned for more from me to you!

Twins B & T

2010-08-09T23:34:00.001-07:00

A few new photos of Bobby & Tommy.

They are growing up so fast! Everytime I see them they are heavier, bigger, stronger and getting awesome little personalities all figured out. Bobby is crawling all over the place and Tommy has finally figured out he can fight back when Bobby takes a toy, in fact he's now the little instigator and they wrestle around a lot.

They both are little darlings and I miss them as soon as they are gone! It's so great that my sister can bring them over and stay a few days or a week sometimes. They already know me and crack their huge smiles when I come in.

They really like Willow, too. Last week they laughed when she licked their ear and tried to reach out and pet/grab her fur.

I can't wait until I see them again! I love playing with them and cuddling and feeding them as much as I can when they are here.

Sitting on the backyard grass for the first time.

At the beach with Grammy, Mom and Auntie Kirsten.

Bobby mesmerized by the dancing kids on TV.

Bobby chewing on his toes!

Tommy actually coordinated enough to hold his own bottle sometimes!

Tommy's dinner face! ("What! I've got something on my face?" Where?")

Bobby's dinner face. ("Yeah, I'm messy, so what!")

Update.....

2010-05-28T00:07:00.008-07:00

A few months have gone by and not a lot has changed.

My hair has grown a bit longer. I may have a few more freckles on my nose from a bit of spring sunshine that April brought. Willow, my puppy, has grown taller and stronger. And May has been full of blossoms, flowers and more rain than usual.

We had a great visit with my brother, Mike, his fiancee Darcy and her two cute boys Caleb and Noah. They are planning their wedding for here in Victoria in the Fall and I was happy to help and play with the boys!

My mom, sister and I had a fabulous time on our annual spa trip up to the Kingfisher, although this year we only stayed one night while my dad, Poppa, looked after Angie's twin boys. What a great grandpa! The boys are growing like weeds and laughing and almost sitting up now. The twins were also dedicated at our church recently.

Last weekend I had an excellent camping trip with some friends up island. Yes, it rained a lot and the first night was wickedly cold but we just stoked the campfire, hung a few tarps and ate lots of hot dogs and beans! Have I mentioned it before that I love camping!? I miss the smokey campfire smell already.

I've seen quite a few great movies, and a few so-so ones lately, too.

On the good/great list:
The Book of Eli, Alice in Wonderland, How to Train Your Dragon, Avatar, Green Zone, Ghost Writer, Imax: Hubble, Remember Me

So-so:
Shutter Island, The Losers, Clash of the Titans, Iron Man 2

Here's a few newer photos of my cute, fiesty little Willow.

GREEN!

2010-03-17T12:14:00.003-07:00

Happy St. Patrick' Day!!

ECLIPSE TRAILER!!!

2010-03-11T15:32:00.005-08:00

Yes, yes, I am a keener for the Twilight books and movies. I can't wait until this next installment hits the big screen June 30th!!

Here is the first trailer. Enjoy!!

Willow the Westie (3-6 Months)

2010-02-19T15:57:00.006-08:00

Just a quick update with some photos

and a bit of video of my Westie puppy, Willow.

She was 6 months old on February 15th and is growing and learning fast and well!

She can sit, shake both paws, roll over, lie down, step nicely into her harness, walks well and loves to play with anyone or any dog!

Her favourite things right now are: ice cubes, vanilla yoghurt, my Dad, and Buddy, the Upstairs Dog.

She still is working on: not jumping up, coming when called (works almost every time!), staying on command and she is almost totally house-trained...only one or two slip ups this last month.

I love her to bits and she is a great little friend to have around!!

Almost 3 months old...exploring a basket.

She loves lying in front of the fireplace, soaking up the heat.

Posing on my bed.

I asked her to Sit so I could snap a photo and she curled up between my feet!

Sweet sleepy puppy.

Being silly and jumping up while I was trying to take a photo.

Sooooo dirty and muddy after a great playtime on Dallas Road with her doggy friends.

All white and fluffy after her bath!!

Sitting all cute waiting to go outside - 6 months old.

And here is a bit of video I had from the past few months. She keeps me pretty busy that I always forget to take my camera along with me for some new photos or video clips.

Watch for one of her regular Dallas Road friends, Trigger!

2009-12-24T16:18:00.002-08:00

Merry Christmas!

from Tommy & Bobby

and the rest of

the Blackstock - Mueller Family!!

Tommy and Bobby Mueller

2009-12-22T15:00:00.007-08:00

For those of you not on facebook, here is an album of our dear little ones,

Tommy & Bobby - my new twin nephews!!!

Angie and Tom were over visiting in Victoria and just packing up their things to leave when her water broke on Sunday, November 15th, 2009.

My parents and Tom took her to the hospital and after a c-section, the boys arrived shortly after 6:30 pm!!!

Tommy 4.1 lbs

Bobby - 5.12 lbs

Grandma and Bobby

Angie and Bobby

The Delivery care was excellent, but unfortunately someone higher up decided that they did not belong in Victoria and arranged to fly them over the next day after we all begged for them to stay. So on one of the stormiest nights this winter, Tom, Angie and the yet to be 24 hours old premies were shuttled by helicopter over to the Burnaby hospital.

Luckily, the babies were both healthy and doing well, aside from needing some tube feeding to get their weight and strength up. And Angie was an absolute trooper and despite the rigamarole of being shoved from one hospital to another, she did really well and was feeling healthy after her surgery.

The boys, Thomas Cole and Robert Michael, spent 2 weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) to be observed and supervised with their feeding and health, but did remarkably well!

My parents visited a few times watching them through the glass doors, then later allowed to hold and feed the little guys in a family room.

I had already arranged a few days off to go visit around their original due date, Dec. 1st, so I was with Angie when she got to bring them home!!

Grandma and the Boys

The Boys are coming home!!!

Tommy pushing Bobby..."This is my side of the crib!"

Angie feeding Bobby

All swaddled like little burritos!

I then had a crash course in feeding, burping, rocking, swaddling, and cuddling newborn babies! Exhausting but so wonderful, precious and worth every second of tiredness!! I treasure those few days I spent with them!!

Bobby

Tiny Tommy

Bobby the Burrito Man

Auntie KirKir and cuddly Bobby

Tommy all decked out to go shopping.

Me and my buds!!

Click HERE to view my entire album on facebook (even if you are not a part of facebook!)

Willow the wiggly Westie!

2009-10-29T16:18:00.004-07:00

Willow is now 9+ weeks and is settling into her new life.

She is getting a bit feisty, likes to bite our feet and hands, but hopefully she'll soon learn that those are not toys.

She has learned "Sit" and "Down" and is pretty good with "Come".

She sleeps through the night in her kennel and is pretty well paper-trained and is starting to learn how to tell me she needs to go outside.

She has also discovered my warm fireplace and likes to bathe in the warm orange glow.

New AVATAR Trailer!!!

2009-10-29T14:35:00.002-07:00

Here is the new longer trailer for the movie "AVATAR" coming out on Dec. 18th.

I cannot wait to see this movie!

Space, Future, Battle, CGI, Fantasy, Creatures = my kind of story!!

Go to Yahoo Movies to see the trailer in much better HD quality.

Willow

2009-10-06T11:11:00.006-07:00

Introducing.....Willow! My new little friend!!

Westie!!!

2009-09-28T22:57:00.003-07:00

Yes, in 18 more sleeps I am bringing home a little Westie puppy! I cannot wait!!
I'm sure I will be taking lots of photos and video to share, but for now I am content to search youtube for cute Westie videos.

Here is the best video of two adorable Westies!!

Enjoy!!

Project Running

2009-09-26T12:49:00.013-07:00

Over a month ago I had a wonderful friend come to town and she took me out for a lovely run....yeah...lovely. Needless to say, she kicked my butt and got me motivated to keep the running going.

So here we have "Project Running" in full swing with only a couple hiccups and misses along the way so far.

I have been trying to run three times a week; Monday on my day off, Wednesday after work and Saturday. I run from my house along the water front and stop at halfway to cool down a bit and do some exercises like push-ups and triceps dips along a low wall. On the way back the last bit is an uphill slope and we ran up it the first day so I have not stopped that routine and pushed to run up it every time since. I have also added another uphill spot when I first start on my way back and have continued that habit as well.

Since the beginning, I have been posting some brief notes about my experiences on my facebook status. This is not at all to brag, for I know there are other people doing much better workouts than myself, but it is to keep me motivated and not in hiding. So, for example, if I were to stop running, people might notice whereas if I hadn't told anyone I could stop and no one would be the wiser. This keeps me getting up and getting my butt out the door. I need motivation, I need those few encouraging words now and then to keep me in the right frame of mind to think I can do this.

I was totally shocked at what a mental struggle this project was for myself the very first time my friend took me out. I was exhausted, in pain and finding it hard to breath, wanting to give up, stop, or give in, but after my dear, dear friend cheered me on and kept me going, after that first time of actually conquering that simple, short run, I knew I actually could do it! What a war waged in my head to get there, though!! That same war is fought every single time my run day rolls around and I try to convince myself I can't do it, I won't go, I'm too tired, I don't need to....But, the better part of me keeps winning the war and I get changed, lace up new new running shoes and head out to another gorgeous day and a great time outdoors.

Another note of interest, I began running with my friend to talk to but since then on my own I have been using my iPod and listening to some audiobooks. They may not be great upbeat, fun pumping music to run to, but I find they keep me interested and distract my mind long enough to get through each run. I finished the New Moon audio book a few weeks ago and I am now on to Eclipse. I only listen to them while running so it gives me another weapon in my mental war to keep me going and looking forward to continuing the story.

For interest sake on how I have been doing in this monumental project, below are my updates from facebook so you and I can see how far I've come. Enjoy.

August 22, 2009
Project Running - after Day 1 - Kirsten Blackstock is a workout/ running/ walking machine!!!! ...okay, so it's a new machine with a lot of parts that are now aching, but this machine feels good!!! And who knew this machine could run UPhill?!?

Project Running - Day 2: Didn't push quite as hard since I am still in pain from Saturday, but I still did a good 50 min hard walk with 5 mins of running, one being UPhill again! This time my R shin and L calf feel slaughtered! But a little ice should calm them down.

Project Running: Day Three - not as bad as before, but still some pain and breathless moments. I took a stopwatch, timed my minutes and am mentally getting better each time! AND I still ran UP that hill on the last stretch!!

Project Running: Day 4 - Felt good before, recovered better from last day, hard work, L calf still going numb, need new shoes, pushed harder, did more arm/leg exercises halfway, enjoying Eclipse audiobook, and still ran UPhill at the end!! PS - running in noon-hour heat = bad idea!

Project Running: Week 2, Day 2 - really did not want to go today...but forced myself out. same routine, felt better half way, did more stretches and exercises, L calf still painful/numb but not as bad. still need new shoes! ran UPhill at end again! Phewph!

Project Running - End of Week 2, Day 3: again hard to get out there but I did, lovely evening, seeing a running club challeneged me to push harder, way more exercises halfway, saw a seal eating a huge fish, much better recovery half way & after..., again ran UPhill at the end (t'was torture!) but I feel good now!!

Project Running - Week 3 Day 1: easier to get going once I got outside, pretty morning with clouds rolling in and waves crashing, managed one more running set than usual, quicker stop halfway, last UPhill run was difficult but I feel good now! Off to buy some new shoes!! Yay!

Project Running...Week 3 Day 2 (missed a couple days): Tried out new shoes!! Asics, very comfy, great support, although different msucle groups really felt it today. Gorgeous outside, saw a cute little brown ermine along the shore, swimming and diving, too!

Project Running, Week 4: good run, better time, less of a cool down break in the middle, new shoes are great! Ran UPhill twice!!

Project Running, Week 4, Day 2: great run, faster time, less of a break in the middle, new shoes are great, I can really feel how they are keeping my feet cooler and more supported! Ran UPhill twice again!

Project Running, Week 4, Day 3: Pushed myself a little more today, 1 min run, 2 min fast walk - no exceptions! Gorgeous evening! I love living by the ocean!! Ran UPhill twice again!

Project Running: Week 5 Day 1 - Awesome beautiful day!! Good Run, pushed myself with less walking intervals in between runs and a bit longer run times, I still can't believe the mental struggle I have to actually get out there, but I did it again, ran uphill twice again, loooove my new shoes!!

Movies Shows and Movies

2009-08-23T19:07:00.012-07:00

So, I've seen quite a lot of movies and shows over the past couple of months and I thought I'd share some thoughts on what I liked and what I did not like.

Theatre:

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Great adaptation of the book. Of course they cannot include absolutely everything and they had to change a few things to keep the plot rolling in a film. However, I was mad that they basically gave away one of the plot devices right near the beginning where in the novel you are surprised by a certain revelation. Yet I love that we are able to visually escape into the world of Hogwarts and our favourite magical students.

The Proposal - Honestly much better than I was expecting! I laughed a lot and besides a few cheesy moments (dog + eagle), this was a very entertaining, humorous, surprising romantic comedy. PS - I love Ryan Reynolds!

The Hangover - Again, this movie exceeded my expectations! Yes, it had crude, shocking moments, but all of the random, funny bits thrown together in a stew of a night we are all trying to piece together made up for any lack. (from a tiger in a bathroom, to Mike Tyson, to the naked Asian man, to the kooky lone wolf brother-in-law!) PS - Leave right as the credits begin to avoid the most gross parts!!

The Ugly Truth - Not one or my favourite movies of this year. I think Gerard Butler is great but that is about all I liked about this movie. Yes, I chuckled, and maybe smiled a bit, but there wasn't much substance or enough well-written comedy to save it from being just another summer flop.

Star Trek (film and IMAX) - After seeing this movie yes, count 'em three times, once in IMAX, I can honestly say I really enjoyed it every time. Yes I knew the plot and twists after the first viewing, but each time I came away with more details, more insight and more knowledge about this complicated time travel film. Yes, they also totally messed up the original Star Trek timeline and changed a lot of the main character's backgrounds but they made up for that meddling by creating a wonderful new Star Trek world for us all to play in. Kirk was played beautifully, Spock and Uhura's little side plot amused me, but a couple small details really annoyed me each time I watched it. Why in the world would they have had a heavily accented Russian giving all the ship-wide communications? And why in the universe would they ever have cast Winona Ryder as Spock's mother?!?! Both of those silly details get me all riled up! But the movie is an excellent sci-fi adventure, full of battle, comedy, emotion and mind-bending time paradoxes like most Star Trek shows seem to be riddled with.

GI Joe - All I have to say is: some good ideas, cool gadgets...this movie should never have been made. I was actually physically uncomfortable after only about 30 minutes...bad idea.

District 9 - Easily moving to one of my favourite sci-fi films of all time. I have been waiting for this movie to come out; I've read blogs, articles, mock-company websites and trailers all building up this underdog of a film that holds so much more than a simple alien vs human premise. I am very glad they used a non-name actor for the main role or Wikus, a South African 'ambassador' to the alien race that has been stranded on Earth for over 20 years. He begins on the outside, working for the force that is forcing the aliens to live in horrible conditions with little to no rights or comforts, though the aliens have been nothing but easy-going since arriving. But Wikus Van De Merwe (best name ever!), is soon dragged into the aliens life and world living in slum conditions and treated worse than beasts, shot down for no reason. I won't say anything more but I am excited to think there could be a sequel someday. The only drawback is the violence. This movie is basically a war film with a lot of violent warfare and bloodshed. Keep in mind that most of the gore is CG and not at all real (I mean aliens are not real, right?), but once you are in the movie's world, the harsh moments feel very real. Great film, wonderful thought-provoking themes and a good amount of unsettling after thoughts when we reflect the movie upon our own world as it is at present.

Time Traveller's Wife - I admit it...the book is fully superior in telling this unique story of a man who cannot control his physical jumping in and out of different times and the girl/woman he meets who becomes his wife. If you haven't read the book be prepared to need some explanations and helpful hints as the first half simply expects you to be able to guess how and why things happen. My only gripes are that the ending is not in the book at all and that Clare, the wife, does not complain or feel hard done by in the book as much as she seems to in the film. Enough said. Read the book instead.

Julie & Julia - One of the sweetest, real-life, and loveliest movies I've seen in a very long time! A true feel-good movie, even though it does feature 'melt-downs' and heartache and disappointments alike. This movie inspired me, encouraged me, and made me laugh. I highly recommend it!!

Rented:

Outlander - Very interesting genre mixing two very cool types of films; sci-fi meets medieval vikings. Dragon becomes alien and myth becomes reality. A good renter, love the premise and the back story and would even like a movie made about the main characters background. Good special effects and artistry.

Downloaded Shows:

Defying Gravity - from the makers of Grey's Anatomy, very cool new relationship drams/sci-fi show.

Better Off Ted - a mix of something like, The Office, Arrested Development and Bill Nye the Science Guy...no, really! And it's super funny, too!!! (I love shows where the main character speaks to the camera!)

Long Way Round - one of my new favourites already and I'm only a few episodes in!!! Ewan McGregor and his pal Charlie Boorman travel around the globe on motorcycles, 2 men, 2 bikes, 20, 000 miles!!! An awesome travel adventure where we get to see parts of the world never filmed or travelled through. Look it up!!

Too Cute not to share....

2009-08-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

Road Trip Awsome-ness!

2009-06-17T23:49:00.006-07:00

It's only been a couple of days since I arrived back home after a week away on a very typical Blackstock-Sieben vacation: a road trip through the Rockies to Alberta to visit family and friends, babies and kids and the city where I was born. I tagged along with my parents on a lovely trip where all I had to do was sit in the backs eat and enjoy the view!!

We started with a quick stop to to see my Mom's aunt, Auntie Shirley, her daughter, Pam, and Pam's granddaughter, Mariah. What a great visit! Of course Auntie Shirley had a mountain of delicious thin sandwiches and Pam had made a wonderful Caesar salad with homemade croutons! Mariah was a darling! So cute and sweet, dancing to her singing duck, "Quack, quack, quaaaack...." and colouring with me.

We then stopped in to see my sister and brother-in-law, Angie and Tom, in Langley. poor Angie had been terribly sick with the flu but the little twins she's growing are a-okay and she is now feeling much better.

We stayed in a very nice little hotel in Langley, had a great complimentary breakfast and headed up the Coquihaula to Kamloops to visit my dad's twin sister, Auntie Bev, and her family.

We chatted with my cousin Dave (and I saw the movie Star Trek again, and liked it even more! But that's for another blog post soon.), enjoyed some time with Aunite Bev and played a lot with my cousin Candace's kids, Brynn and Cruz. They showed us how good they were gliding around on their bikes, played a bit of basket ball...toddler-style, blew bubbles and I learned how to properly toss a football! Fun times!!

After two nights in sunny, warm Kamloops, we packed up and headed further east through the glorious Rocky Mountains. I will never, ever tire of driving through the mountains! My favourite scenery include the glacial lakes, with blues and greens so crisp and bright, keeping a sharp eye for any wildlife (though sadly on this trip we saw very little...does one deer and some hawks count?) and my most favourite part is the end of the mountains where they suddenly stop and become green rolling hills full of life and character!

Of course those foothills lead right into Calgary. The city of my birth and where I lived for the first 6 and a half years of my life. I now find Calgary to be too big, too busy, too dusty and always full of too much construction. The suburbs are planned out so tight and cramped that even though the homes are probably ginormous and cost a fortune, they look like tin-roofed shanty towns where the roofs almost touch and there is nary a tree or green thing for blocks and blocks. Yet, if I had one of those lovely big houses, I'd feel very comfortable and grateful, indeed!!

We had a quick visit with my dad's cousins, Auntie Della and Uncle Manuel, in their picturesque new condo over looking a small hidden lake, and headed on north of the big city to the town of Airdire where my siblings and I attended school while we lived nearby.

Here we found our newly moved-in relatives, my mom's sister, my Auntie Dorene and Uncle Craig, their daughter Kristie and her new baby boy, Oliver. This would be my new home for several days, so I set up camp on their floor and enjoyed every second being with them.

Oliver is such a cutie with such a range of funny expressions, laughs and cries. He was mostly a very happy boy and even when fussy, he seemed pretty easy to calm or play with until we saw a smile or he fell happily asleep. We had some lovely walks around their pretty neighbourhood, some lazy hours just relaxing and Kristie and I had some great late night chats about books, movies and anything else that we could think of!

We also met up with my parents again at my brother, Mike's baseball game. We enjoyed watching him play and watching little Oliver discover his new love for watching a spectator's dog catch a ball. Boy did he laugh at that!

On my final night in Alberta, Krisitie's sister, Katie arrived and us three gals had a great time together! How I wish we all lived even closer together! Perhaps someday we will! For now I will treasure the short times we have together and all the messages and e-mails we share while apart.

Finally we had to depart. A long day of driving lay ahead but I had my trusty Nikon poised and ready for any beautiful scenery or any wildlife that might pop up. I managed to capture a quick photo of a coyote on a hillside, only because he was moving and the tan blob stood out from the grasses behind him. We also took a few good photos at a pretty little rest stop at a place called Finn Creek. I'm getting pretty good at holding my big camera up and taking self-portraits of me and my other forced subjects! My parents were great sports!

We again had a nice night in Kamloops and were treated to the famous Swiss Pastry Shop's raspberry torte! What an amazing dessert!! Thanks Auntie Bev!!!

On the drive down from Kamloops to the Lower Mainland, I popped out my ipod and began listening to an audiobook of Twlight by Stephanie Meyer...I never realized it was so satisfying to have someone read aloud to you! With the pretty green hills whipping by I immersed myself in one of my favourite stories!

Once more in Langley we met up with Angie and Tom once again for lunch. Angie's health was markedly improved and she was practically bubbling over with love and joy! I brought her a few little baby gifts for the twins she is carrying and we had a lovely pasta meal and a good long visit. I cannot wait until we can find out what she is having!! Two boys? Two girls? Or a boy and a girl??? I am so very, very excited!!! My mom and I just keep looking at each other once in a while and exclaim. . . "TWINS!!!" Yay!

We picked up Ruby Richmond at Kim and Brad's house on the way to the ferry. (Ruby's grandson.) And I got to see most of their kids. I love that family and miss them!!

The ferry ride home was pleasant; I picked up a Nature Photography magazine and was truly inspired by some of the wonderful shots. I'd love to be a field contributor someday.

Our trip was perfect; we hit all the major stops and many family members along the way so that the week didn't drag but felt like just the right amount of time away from home. I was excited to sleep in my own bed once again but I already missed everyone we visited.

Thanks for an awesome week away, Mom and Dad, and everyone who took their own time out to host and visit with us!! I had a grad time!!

To see ALL my photos, go HERE --->

Moving On, Camping Out

2009-05-24T09:16:00.014-07:00

So.

When obstacles like grief and loss are thrown in your path, life does, eventually, move on.

Slowly at first, the thoughts and memories of the one no longer in your life are raw and fresh. You still hear or see them; catch a glimpse out of the corner of your eye, yet they are gone.

And life moves on.

The time spent with family and friends, those close to you who know how to make you laugh and smile become your lifeline, the thread you hang on to to keep you from falling backwards into the sadness that threatens to overwhelm.

My life is slowly moving on.

Last weekend I escaped the city and my quiet house to go camping with a few friends up near Nanaimo. The campsite was busy, full of families and dogs, but he found a little corner of forest to relax, sit around the campfire and just get away.

Here are a few of my favourite images from the weekend:

Our crazy tents - Mine is on the right and Crystal and Derek's is on the left....needless to say they bought the same tent as me the next day!

Crystal looking on while Derek tries to hook up the stove....love the grandma sweater!!

Us girls at the minigolf course.

Golfing Group shot.

Me, trying to hit my MINIgolf ball out of the rough!

Derek - sizing up the course.

Crystal shooting through the tunnel.

Meghan looking through the tunnel!

Rommy...enough said!

Group shot on the cool old wheel. We went for a walk on the hot Sunday afternoon and on the way back had a photo-shoot on this big relic.

Does anyone know what it is or what it was for??

Meghan and Rommy on our evening walk...loved the view from the river!

My first attempt at making baked potatoes in the fire...not too bad!

Sitting around the fire.

Derek shuffling for Sequence! Love it!

Awesome view!!

Table top.

The last night at our campsite...notice my new lantern that illuminated the whole site!

Final night...Crystal, Derek and I around the fire...I love campfires!!

If you'd like to see ALL of my photos...go to my Flickr Album Here.

My Beloved Friend

2009-04-29T10:10:00.009-07:00

Today is one of the hardest days of my life.

This may be trivial to you, but when you've had a close friend for over 14 years and then watch them get sick and be in pain only to finally lose them, then you'll know how I feel.

Today I had to decided that my dear, dear, beloved friend and companion had to go to sleep for one final time.

My little terrier mutt, Sophie fell asleep in my arms this morning after a she had gradually slowed down and her body quickly began to shut down.

She has been my cuddler, my feet-warmer, my walking buddy and most of all my confidant. I was never alone, she was always there ready to wag her scruffy tail and let me know she loved me.

Rest well dear Sophie, or should I say - Soph-ay-o, Sopha, Dr. Sophausen, Sophiekins, Bubba, Baby, Shmoopie......

May you forever romp in tall grasses, sniff every log, and find a nice comfy bed to curl up on.

You've been the best dog and friend I could have ever dreamed possible.

Music to My Life

2009-03-01T11:12:00.014-08:00

Recently I've played a few amusing games on facebook and via e-mail where you fill in some sort of form with either random questions about yourself, or you 'google' you name and fill out funny ends of sentences, or you shuffle your music in iTunes and randomly assign the each song that comes up to a part of your life, as if it were your life's soundtrack.

This last game proved to be quite funny and surprising.

For example, my Opening Credits would be "Little Boxes" by Melvina Reynolds, and if you've been awake in the last 3 years you'd know this is the theme song for the TV show "Weeds". No, my life has nothing to do with the plot of Weeds, but the theme song seems appropriate.

A few other funny coincidences were as follows:
Falling in Love: We are Broken - Paramore
Prom: Hell - Squirrel Nut Zippers
Life: Me Against the World - Simple Plan
Final Battle: I Get Knocked Down - Chumbawumba

Now, this really doesn't predict anything true about my life, it's just a fun game to play to see what comes up.

However, of all the thousands of music tracks I have in my iTunes folders, and of all the CDs I've made or playlists created, I do have a few favourite bands that I seem to turn to when I'm sick of the radio with Top 40 hits, or popular songs from the 80s and 90s, or even from our local stations that play new artists. These comforting favourite bands keep putting out new albums that continue to speak to me in a way music should, deep down to the depths of my fears, my sadness but also my joys.

Here are my Top 4 all time favourite artists/bands, in no order:

Coldplay - I've loved them ever since I was introduced to the song "Yellow" BEFORE it was ever played on the radio. I had a friend who always followed new British bands and found these guys long before Yellow was overplayed. He sent me a link to their website and back then, I remember instantly connecting to their haunting melodies and different, interesting sound. The lyrics, too, to every song on their Parachutes album, spoke to me. Every song on that album tugs at my emotions when one is played. I can even pinpoint the memory of where I was when I first heard them. Now after several albums, their newest venture Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends again amazes me with the risks they take and conquer. I cannot wait for their next new and fresh sound.

Snow Patrol - I first heard one of their songs on the popular show Grey's Anatomy...many of you will remember the season finale where one of the characters has to deal with the death of a loved one, and the song that wove it's way into that tearful moment. After the show that night, I quickly looked up the songs used in the episode and found Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars". After finding their albums, I was glued to the sounds they created and I studies their lyrics, eager to know what they were all about. Their first two albums, Final Straw and Eyes Open both breathed new life into my music lists. I listened to them until I knew every song from the first few notes. And now their newest album, A Hundred Million Suns, has me adding them to my list of new CDs to make to listen in my car. (I do have an iPod input, but my driving trips are so short, it's not worth the effort to plug it all in unless I'm driving longer distances. CDs are still my preferred choice of medium for car listening, along with satellite and local radio.)

Secondhand Serenade - Along with my new car last year, I signed up for satellite radio and quickly bookmarked a few good stations. One played the most voted on Top 20 songs, constantly changing after listeners call in to vote for their favourites. I soon heard a new song "Fall for You" and I mentally noted it to look up later. I then found Secondhand Serenade, not a band but the solo project by John Vesely, so he could either play alone or with any number of band members. His two albums were quickly added to my playlists and became instant favourites...every single song. I also love the concept of his work, he writes and sings his music for his wife, where they are the firsthand serenade, then for us, his fans they are the secondhand serenade. Many of his songs I would consider true background music for the real soundtrack of my life. Songs like "Half Alive", "Broken", "Maybe", "Why", "Pretend" and "A Twist in My Story" will always be on my playlist.

The Fray - I have just become familiar with this band after liking what I've heard both on the radio and on TV shows where a few of their recent tracks have appeared. So far, their unique sound and the meaning behind their lyrics have caught my ear and kept me interested to hear more. I look forward to learning more about them. Oh and I love their video for "How to Save a Life".

The Cupcake

2009-02-14T22:49:00.004-08:00

Things I like about Valentine's Day:

Special chocolate and candies seems to be in bowls everywhere.
Many people become a little more light-hearted and easy going leading up to the big day.
There always seems to be some cute or romantic chick flicks at the theatres in hopes that date night will be her choice.
It is a day to celebrate love and affection...something we technically should celebrate every day.
Getting cute cards or childish cartoon valentines from one or two people who take the time to brighten my day.

Things I do not like about Valentine's Day:

It seems to have become so very commercialized and boxed up into a special occasion that we are all 'supposed' to celebrate.
How, as a single person, it is practically rubbed in my face that I am alone on the 'most romantic night of the year'.
That I am sadly making cute and tasty cherry-chocolate-chip cupcakes for no other reason than because the calendar says I should at least be doing 'something' special today.
That for the 30th Hallmark Valentine's Day in a row...I have no one special that I can pour my own sugary love onto, no one to give a romantic card to or no one to give any of those things to me.
Lastly, I do not like that on Valentine's Day, I feel like even more of an outcast and weirdo than on every other regular day.

However, do not think I am in despair or wallowing...no!

I am enjoying a homemade yummy cherry-chocolate-chip cupcake or two, watching some of my favourite shows and curling up into bed with a good book.

You, see, with the exceptional bonus of the really tasty cupcakes, today is just like any other day for me. And I am okay with that.

So happy Saturday to you all.

I'll see you soon.

~ K

So it's almost February...

2009-01-29T23:53:00.012-08:00

Yes, yes, it is almost February...where did January go?

We had a sprinkling of snow, some rain, a visiting elephant seal to my neighbourhood, an awesome Narnia Winter Fest, I saw a few good movies, rented a few duds...and now it is soon February.
The month of Love.
Sure.

I'm usually one who likes all the stereotypical Hallmark holidays...decorating and dressing up for whatever the occasion, but lately I'm beginning to have a new outlook on holidays and special occasions. I am realizing that instead of going overboard on the frills and gimmicks of the season, we should be paying attention to the daily little things. We should be constantly reminding our friends and loved ones of how much we appreciate each other. We should take time out to do something nice for someone else, not because it's a special day or week, but because we truly care about them.

I know I am not the greatest for expressing how I feel sometimes, but I am going to try and make a conscious effort to share my appreciation for those around me. I'm going to try and compliment people more, have more patience and understanding and not get oversensitive and hurt over things that really don't matter.

I've been working through some underlying issues with how I express myself and I know that my character needs a lot of fine tuning and delicate shaping. I have many regrets over things I haven't said, things I have said, or ways I have acted that have hurt others, but I can only hope to learn from all those bumps in the road.

If any of my friends are reading this blog, both near and far, please know that I care about you. I appreciate you and all your talents and abilities. Whether I talk to you once a week or once a year, know that I wish the best for you, and if there is anything within my power to do for you, please let me know.

For those far away, I miss you and wish I could see you more often!
For those close by, let's make some time to hang out again soon!

I cherish my friendships and hope those that call me a friend feel the same way. I know we can injure each other sometimes, but I sincerely hope that after some time we all can have the courage to mend what is broken and not give up on the years of trust, care and laughter that have built up into strong friendships.
I am always here to talk to if anyone needs a listening ear.

I am saying all this, not to sound like some great, together person, but a person under construction, trying my best to become the caring and loving woman that I know God wants me to be. I still have my faults but I know together as friends we can all learn from each other and be there for one another.

This was not a particular message to anyone just something I felt I needed to say, more for myself than for any of you. Yet I hope you who are reading know that I am trying my best to be there for my friends when they need me and to slowly chip away at the parts of me that are unpleasant.

Thanks for reading, I always love it when people leave me comments or feedback.

It's a NEW Year.

2009-01-04T18:31:00.021-08:00

Hi.

Yes.

So here it is.

The obligatory New Year's post filled with reflection, insight and perspective of the days to come in 2009.

Reflections: 2008 had it's moments, both good and bad. I made a new friend in the west coast land of Tofino and travelled there 4 times both camping and checking out some awesome cabins. I had a great road trip to Alberta. I always love driving through the Rocky Mountains. Such beauty left me breathless. I saw and spent time with relatives I love and encountered some of the craziest weather both during the summer and winter that I have ever seen! I took many, many photos and learned new skills along the way. There were some low moments, some sad moments, and some heart breaking moments. I tried not to dwell on them and move on, but my heart does not heal quickly.

Insight: My life hasn't changed much from the end of last year. I have the same job, the same home, the same hobbies, and most of the same friends. Is this because I haven't changed, and is that a good thing? Or should I be pursuing new things, pushing myself out of my comfortable boxy life?

Future Perspective: I have a yearning to travel more, to go places I've never been. I have a few ideas and will try to journey on them all. I have a secret project I'm slowly trying out. You may never hear about it, but one day I may look back and see that I made myself a pledge to follow through and complete it. I love my dear friends, but I need to branch out and meet more people. Not change my circle, just widen it to include new friends. I enjoy my job, but I need to push myself to try out new projects and chase after the passions that I've hidden or suppressed for so long. I also need to rely and trust more in what God has for me...in every area of my life. Knowing and trusting are two very different states of mind - I need to trust.

These are NOT "new years resolutions", simply hopes for the future and reminders that I can look back on to urge me forward when I need a nudge.

I look forward to 2009...not with eagerness, but with a mature fear and respect for what I do not understand as I step out into the unknown and a tightly held hope for joy and happiness as my steps find a solid place to land.

Snow Wonderful Snow!

2008-12-21T11:29:00.009-08:00

Are you a snow lover?
Do you smile when you look outside and see the floating flakes fall under the glowing streetlights? Do you sigh with contentment as you venture outside into the cold, white world all bundled up tight with boots and mitts and scarf?
Do you cringe at that squeaking crunch the packed snow makes under your boot, but joyfully kick up balls of snow as you trudge down a covered snowy sidewalk?
Do you love how the blanket of snow brightens up the dark winter, almost causing daylight at night as the white is reflected all around?
Are you, like me, in love with snow?

True, there are, many annoyances and drawbacks from s big or small snowfall.
There is the problem of driving, getting from A to B to C and back again, travelling somewhere for the holidays or even just to the mall to pick up those last-minute Christmas gifts. There is all the shovelling and clearing of walkways and sidewalks and driveways and windshields.

And yet some of the best experiences are snow days off from school or work, the crisp air on your face and the warmth of your home when you dis-bundle yourself and dry off and my favourite thing of all...how Christmas lights look under or covered by or surrounded by white snow. They seem to glow brighter, reflecting the reds and blues and greens on the clumps of white that coxy in next to the bulbs. Every light display seems to be enhanced or revved up because of the snow that adds that extra Christmasy touch to their show.

As you can tell, I love snow. I love it when I'm inside, and I love it when I'm outside. I may not like it all year around, but for what we get here in Victoria, I love every moment!
Thanks, snow, for falling this year!

British Movie Fix

2008-12-18T10:07:00.006-08:00

If you like British movies, or Masterpiece Theatre (not the famous Monsterpiece Theatre I remember as a child from Seasme Street) or Jane Austin or if you simply like an interesting story, here are two more movies to seek out.

"My Family and Other Animals" tells the innocent and humourous story set before WW2 of a British family who are sick of the cold rainy summer weather in England and decide to pack up and move to the Greek Island of Corfu for some time.

The sweet and slightly dotty widowed mother goes along with her spoiled children's wishes and the family finds themselves loving the heat and the people and their new surroundings in a villa on Corfu.

The eldest son is a bohemian writer who invites his wild and weird friends to stay. The daughter is a sunbathing, bikini-wearing flirt who has the island boys crawling to sneak a peek at her. The next son is obsessed with hunting and shooting and continuously brings home all manner of game for supper.

The youngest of the family is the enthusiastic, nature-loving 12 year old boy Gerald. He makes himself right at home exploring, collecting animals and bugs to fill his menagerie of a room.

The film is a delightful romp with a strange but lovable family as they enjoy each other and their new home. The movie is based on Gerald Terrell's writings, which is close to the truth as seen through the young boys' eyes.

Another wonderful story is Jane Austin's "Northanger Abbey".
In typical Austin way, this film touches on the subjects of love, money, parental rule vs child desires and much more.

I found the characters engaging and likable and the plot had just enough mystery and turns for you not to know what might happen.

The male lead Henry reminded me of Jude Law and the female lead Catherine of a cuter Kate Beckinsale and both played their roles well.

The story follows a lower-state imaginative young woman who is escorted to Bath in the society of some wealthy family friends. There Catherine meets new people; a social climbing woman with a slightly creepy brother, and a teasing but genteel young man with an endearing sister who could become an excellent best friend. There is also romance in the air but will the kind-hearted Catherine be able to stand up for what she wants, or will she be too polite to overcome the obstacles thrown in her way?

If you are wondering how find all these interesting and off-the-beaten-track movies, then wanter over to DVD4U on Fairfield by Thrifty's. They are a small DVD rental store, but they have a huge British section and many wonderful titles to choose from!

Two New Movie Favourites...

2008-12-16T01:33:00.013-08:00

I rented two movies this weekend and both were worth a quick mention.

The first was a UK film based on and starring the cast from a play called "History Boys".
A witty, intelligent and fast-banter movie, with a great cast and emotional twists. We follow a handful of senior-level boys from non-privileged backgrounds who are bright enough to study hard and possibly get in to some of the top universities in the UK - notably Oxford and Cambridge. Their public school has devised a schedule with special classes totally geared towards helping them ace their entrance exams and interviews. However, the headmaster is bent on the simple task of getting them in, mostly to improve his school's reputation, while some of the teachers argue that their learning should be more than a fixation on an exam, but more life learning, and lessons they will draw from throughout their lives instead of for one test.

(Although a great film, there is a teensy bit of slightly shocking content...ask me about it if you are concerned.)

The second movie I just fell in love with and I can bravely call it the "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" of 2008 - a movie called, "Charlie Bartlett".
Charlie is a teen from a wealthy family who has been kicked out from dozens of private schools and finally has to try public school. His drugged up, ditsy mother stays home playing tennis with their chauffeur, while Charlie tries to fit in to this new group of drama nuts, drug dealers, and popular jocks. He uses his ingenuity and quickly finds a way to give the students what they need - a listening ear...and a few prescriptions along the way.

I won't ruin the movie for you, because I think you should all give "Charlie Bartlett" a try!!

I will say that the character of Charlie is played brilliantly with the perfect drop of naivety and humbleness that makes us just want to be his friend, too!

Find it. Rent it. And someone, please, find me a copy?

Twilight: from the page-turning written word to the (un)living cinematic flesh...

2008-11-27T11:40:00.006-08:00

Two weeks before the premiere of the new teen vampire flick "Twilight" opened, I was scouring the local movie theatre website every day to see when tickets would go on sale.

Sure enough, one morning I barely contained my shriek of joy when I stumbled on pre-screening tickets for sale for Thursday, November 20th, which also happened to be the night of my birthday. I quickly whipped through the online process of ordering as many of these sought after tickets as I was permitted and sent a message out to a few friends to see if they would join me for the exciting event.

The week before, on Halloween night, I had purchased my copy of the first book in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer on the BC Ferries while traveling to the mainland to visit my sister. By Sunday afternoon, I was half way through the second novel, New Moon and by the next weekend, after a few very late nights of reading, I was finished Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

The series, geared for young adult readers (which I assume means older teens, not my version of young adults in which I would be included) was an easy read; the pages practically turned themselves as I poured over every scene of teenage romance mixed with supernatural angst. I honestly found it physically difficult to put any of the books down, reading way too far into the night, with my mind never really resting but racing with the images of Edward and the struggles he and pathetic Bella faced.

Yes, I said it, the character of Bella is very pathetic. As the reader, you are told the story mainly from Bella's perspective and many times I found myself frustrated with her and her total lack of decent common sense or communication skills. True, she is only 17 when we first meet her, but she is mature for her age and had to be the 'mom' and look out for her scatter-brained mother from a young age. Yet time after time Bella continuously misinterprets or miscommunicates with those around her to the point of ridiculousness where their lives are even put in danger. The very theme of miscommunications threads it's way through all four of the books beginning with the twist that Edward can hear everyone's thoughts except Bella's. So Edward is constantly trying to figure out what she is thinking, and looking back, if he had known, a lot of the mistakes or hurt would never have happened if Bella's mind was not blocked by some mysterious wall. Bella, too, needed not only to voice her concerns and opinions but she needed to simply talk to her new friend Edward instead of getting defensive or angry or assuming the worst.

Enough of a rant about Bella and her faults, of which there are many more...

The written form of Twilight would, in my mind, easily translate to the big screen not only because it is at it's most basic, a romance, but because even the gimmicks of being a 'vampire movie' were subtle and seemingly not too difficult to show with a few scenes of wire work, coloured contact lenses and tricky editing.

So on the night of my birthday, after a delightful supper with a few friends, we headed off to the movie theatre only to be greeted by a super long line up (inside, thankfully) of girls and women from the ages of 10-50. A large number wore shirts either homemade or ordered sporting slogans such as "Team Edward" or "Bite Me". The youngest of the Twilight groupies were high-spirited, shrieking, excited preteens, or teens and the older cross-section, their mothers, who I found to be just as loud and obnoxious as their offspring. Once the line moved into the theatre and we snagged a row of seats, the waiting game began anew, this time with a whole new crowd of noisy, annoying and uber-hyper Twi-hards all around us.

Now maybe it was because I aged over a large milestone that evening, or maybe because I, too was so excited to see this movie become real, but I was one of the few who ardently 'shushed' the crow when gasps became shrieks and shrieks became scream as both previews then intro music then the actors appeared onscreen. I honestly can say I need to see the movie again, not just because I'd like to see Robert Pattinson, who plays the golden-eyed vampire Edward, stare at me from across the room, but because of many missed lines and nuances of the film due to the crazy cacophony of the crowd!!

The 'vibe' of opening night or pre-screening night was, I'll admit, exciting and built up my expectations for the movie. However, for the same reasons, my view of the f ilm was very jaded and I even chuckled with slight disgust at a few of the more cheesy and totally over done moments.

Overall, I did enjoy the film. Of course, sadly they had to alter or add or remove some situations or conversations for the sake of time or money or length of the movie, but I always find it so rewarding to see characters you've come to know breathed into life and scenes you've only seen in your own mind acted out for you.

I think most of the actors were splendid and fit well, with the exception of Bella. I did not like the choice of Kristen Stewart and I thought I would have to wait and see how she worked in the movie, but now that I've seen it, I stick to my initial feeling that she does not work. Yes, Bella is pathetic and dreary and, as we said in the 80s, " cruisin' for a bruisin' ", Stewart has way too much attitude and a chip on her shoulder to play the part correctly. Bella's actor needed to be a little more sad and selfless. There are a few other actors out there that I think would have been a better choice.

Some of my favourite parts were brutally butchered, like the meadow scene and even Bella's travels with Alice and Jasper, where we get to know that duo a bit better. Yet some scenes surpassed my expectations, such as the baseball game and the embellished fight scene at the end.

The books are marketed and geared towards teens so why should I be surprised that this film was full of noisy teens? The marketing for the movie was a little off, though. Even my own brother thought the movie was more horror than teen romance just from the previews alone. But the media did a great job of immortalizing the main actors even before the film was released, since when has that happened lately? I can see why Robert Pattinson is so troubled by the hordes of child and teen girls mobbing him anytime he goes anywhere. Who wouldn't be weirded out by that?

There is so much more I could say, about either the books or the movie, but anytime anyone wants to chat about them, just ask and I will be happy to discuss.

My final advice concerning this series and movie, is: read the books - you will enjoy them, the writing is great! and go see the movie, preferably on a week night and with an open mind that it does not accurately depict the book but it does a good job of making the world of Twilight come to life...plus the real life version of Edward Cullen is nice to look at!!

Twilight and ME

2008-11-16T10:30:00.004-08:00

I know, I know, I'm a weirdo...but I love it!

The Twilight series of four books was the best week and a half of reading I've had in a long time!!! They are an easy read and centre around a high school girl and her romantic interest who just happens to be an odd type of vampire... Yes, I know, vampires = bad....whatever. It's just a story; good verses evil, love for family and friends and finding someone who loves you for you.

And besides, Edward is an excellent character! I'm not sold on Bella, she always seems so pathetic and uninteresting and totally BAD at communicating...ironic, since I am the same way when it comes to communication.

If you need a good, easy read that has action, adventure, love, passion, difficult choices, and a bit of the supernatural...read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
AND go see the movie adaptation of Twilight coming out next week!! I'll be there!

Countdown to Awesomeness!

2008-11-06T16:15:00.001-08:00

Weddings and Giving Thanks

2008-10-15T09:47:00.020-07:00

Well, a month and a half have past since I last posted, shame on me, I know. However a few fun events have happened in that space of time.

One of the most relaxing and fun times was my extended weekend trip over to visit my sister and her husband in Langley, followed by attending a huge concert event at GM Place. I also quite excited to visit the Vancouver Aquarium on my own before the concert.

Our weekend was excellent! We shopped a bit here and there, I purchased a brand new white swirly bed at Ikea, and a few new bits of clothing. We also saw the movie "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist", funny in parts but it could have done without the gross bits.

The Vancouver Aquarium was amazing! Anyone who is close to me already knows that I love fish and aquariums in general, so a place with almost every kind and type of fish and tank along with dolphins sea otters and a baby beluga, is like Disneyland and winning the lottery all rolled into one.....okay, so maybe not quite *that* amazing! But I did have a great day! I took tons of photos, and no, I won't bore you with them too much, all here but you can go view them in my album on Facebook.

Most recently, my dear friend Crystal had her wedding this past Saturday, in which I was a bridesmaid all decked out in a red dress and fancy hair and shoes.

I guess I could first mention the fun parties we had for Crystal before her wedding. We had a lovely bridal shower held at GT, with lots of ladies in attendance. Crystal received so many wonderful gifts and we had a great spread of treats, too. We then had a lingerie party at Meghan's house where we spoiled Crystal with lots of pretty undergarments to make her feel special and sexy!

The final event was a staggette/bachelorette DAY where we started by going on a horseback ride through the woods. I led the way on my horse, Starbucks, since he would have nipped all the girl horses' butts if he was in behind. We had a few near upsets with Katie's horse spooking in the barn then Meghan's freaking out and charging into the bushes. Everyone was kept safe, though, and we had a great time.

We then heading a few directions to get all fancied up for a night on the town. We had created a scavenger hunt of sorts for Crystal and we followed her as she tried to answer all the questions by asking strangers on the street for their best in-law joke or bachelors for their marriage advice (we even had a few bachelors try and goad us into partying with them later!). Crystal soon finished the quiz (wow!) and figured out from the final riddle where we were headed for a fancy dinner at Vista 18 at the top of the Chateau Victoria Hotel. I had never been up there before and the view and the food were top notch!!

All of these events finally culminated in one of the most fun and beautiful weddings I have ever been a part of!

The day was cool but not rainy and all the girls spent a relaxing morning getting ready at Crystal's house with hair and make-up provided by wonderful stylists. After a scenic ride to the Olympic View Golf Course in our white limo, the ceremony went swimmingly!! The room was so pretty and full of light from the huge windows and full of love from all the close family and friends gathered!! I loved our floral arrangements and all the red/burgundy decorations! We then had a few photos taken outside near a fountain while guests snacked on a few refreshments in the ballroom. The air was certainly chilly but everyone gave such warm hugs and kind congratulatory words that we all felt rosy!

The reception was full of touching, funny and uplifting toasts and speeches, along with deeee-licious food and lots of laughter and tears. We finally bade the newly wed Crystal and Derek farewell (after I caught the bouquet, of course!) and all headed home for the night.

I do love weddings, and this is only the second wedding I've ever been a part of. They are so full of love and cheer and warm feelings that you can't help but be uplifted and feel light-hearted.

Click HERE to view all my wedding photos posted on Facebook.

This past weekend was also our church's 85th Anniversary with a bit of a celebration including plenty of cake and a commemorative video/slideshow that I put together last week. I always think I could do so much better, but i do feel the project turned out okay, after many very late nights getting it ready on a weekend where my Friday and Saturday was already taken up by wedding rehearsals and ceremonies.

We also gathered together with family and a few friends to take part in a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner on Monday.

I love, love, loooove turkey dinner with my mom's stuffing and veggies and pumpkin pie! So good! We had a great evening around our table chatting and enjoying a great dinner!

Thanks Mom!!

Tofino is my favourite place!

2008-09-02T16:09:00.008-07:00

Campfire, ocean waves, good friends, beans and smores....mmmmm! What more could you want from a weekend away?!

This past Labour Day weekend a few friends and I headed up island to Tofino, my new favourite place, for a weekend of camping and relaxing. Jared picked up up in his big truck, Rommy chatted with Jared in the front and Meghan and I squished into the back with homemade muffins and cookies to keep us company. The drive was long but the company fun and entertaining.

We set up our two tents in the dark with the sounds of the ocean rolling below on the beach. Luckily, no rain fell that first night, so in the morning, after I got up an went for a gorgeous walk on the beach, we ate some muffins and rigged up our tarps, just in case.

That day we explored the beach, played a little Bocce and enjoyed the afternoon sun on the beach. Supper around a campfire is the best! Hot dogs, chili and beans....with an encore of Smores! Mmm! And hot chocolate at every meal.

We slept okay, wrapped tightly in our tents and sleeping bags and extra blankets....with the exception of the guys hearing a few bear-like noises in the night near the girls tent....ya...ahem.

Sunday we let the guys make breakfast of bacon and eggs and hash browns over the fire.

There is nothing better than eating outside!

The rain still stayed away and we enjoyed most of the sunny, warm day on the beach, chatting and napping and reading.

Monday we packed up and headed for home. The long drive went by quickly with the beautiful scenery and friendly chatter.

Camping, anywhere but especially in Tofino, is my new favourite thing! I'd go anytime!

Here are more photos from the weekend:

Tofino Album

Road Trip from BC to Alberta and Back

2008-09-02T14:46:00.005-07:00

On August 13th I headed out on a road trip with my mom, Dorinda Driver, and my Great Aunt Shirley "The Early Riser", from BC through the Rockies to Edmonton for my cousin, Joel's wedding.

He had a great time! Yummy picnics and stopped at a few pretty spots for a photo or two.

Edmonton was HOT! So hot, I vowed never to live there even with the possibility of getting that hot!

But we had a great time catching up with cousins and aunties and uncles and Grandma. The wedding was so beautiful and the reception lovely! Our hotel room was spectacular, too!

I cherish that weekend where I spent lots of fun moments with cousins I rarely get to see. We went bowling, had a group supper at good old Pizza Hut, hit the West Ed Mall for some laser tag and hang out time, ate a huuuge take-out Chinese dinner and reminisced about our favourite times spent in the past in Terrace at our grandparents house.

I was so sad to say good-bye and longed for a few more days to spend with everyone. But alas, we packed up the car and headed back home again, ready for our next adventure.

We started home and ended up braving torrential rain, hail, lightning and saw 3 forest fires start in a crazy storm on the way to our next stop, 3 Valley Gap Chateau, near Revelstoke. The Chateau was neat in a kooky way, with the feel of an old chalet in the mountains that needs a bit of a makeover, but is homey and relaxed and very interesting. We toured their Ghost Town and saw some fabulous log cabins, original to the area, artifacts and recreations.

I took many photos, too many to post here, but here are the links to my albums on facebook. Anyone can view them, even if you're not addicted to facebook yet.

Album 1

Album 2

Album 3

Luminara 2008

2008-07-30T16:14:00.009-07:00

Have you ever wanted an excuse to put on a costume or a mask or even just some sparkly make-up and walk through a park on a magical evening? Where children can become faeries or unicorns or ladybugs and adults can become their favourite medieval character or an imaginary creature from some other world....all the while you are transported to an etherial glowing woodland with ponds and trees and floating globes and glowing figures....the Luminara Lantern Festival held in Victoria once a year in July is such an evening!

This year I took up the opportunity and donned my green elvish-looking cape, gilded with golden stars and hood, made up my eyes with green, blue and pink sparkles and even splashed a few purple streaks in my hair to enjoy Luminara a little more.

The evening was full of colourful characters, fantastic entertainment, and wonderful creative lanterns both on the grounds of St. Anne's Academy and all over Beacon Hill Park.

Here are just a few interesting shots from the evening.

If you would like to see ALL my photos....

go to my Facebook Luminara Album

(even if you are not on Facebook)

July Fun - Moss Street, Beacon Hill, Camp Friends

2008-07-22T11:14:00.014-07:00

This past week has been a full one!

I met my Mom and some friends at the Moss Street Market and Paint In on Saturday, then again in Sunday afternoon at Beacon Hill Park to watch and listen to some Hawaiian dancers and musicians (and to run around having fun with my dog, Sophie!), then Mom and I drove up to Nanoose Bay Teen Camp for Monday afternoon to visit friends and check out what was happening so far.

Here are a few photos from the past few days.

Jamie and Liam playing before heading to the Moss Street Market

Painting by donation to help...Africa something or other....

At the Moss Street Paint In...

watching some artists demonstrate their talent.

The next few photos are of a few artists and their work that caught my eye.....

There were many young artists showing a more cartoon, or comic book style of art....I liked this one a lot!

This artist displayed some of his art in his fancy old Mercedes.

Everyone knows I like fish!

Awesome 3D wall art...neat houses, the artists was making one on the street.

This fellow hand-painted cards with scenes from around Oak Bay. Lovely!

A potter at work making small wavy bowls, you cans see some finished ones below.

Crazy characters!!

I am a sucker for the bright and interesting!

This guy cornered the market on 'guy art' - hockey stars, baseball players and all sorts of cool man-type art. Even his business cards were hockey cards...you can see them in the front right.

Then a lovely afternoon in Beacon Hill Park.

Jamie and Liam quickly found out Sophie likes to run...and that she's easy to run with!

I love this one..."Sit!"

After a beautiful drive upisland to Nanoose, we ran into some old friends...here is pretty little Ava.

Ethan... hungrily waiting for supper.

And Isaac, being silly and trying to make funny faces for the camera.

I'm sure I'll have more July photos to come as more friends come into town. Thanks for reading and browsing through my blog!! I always appreciate comments!

Amazing Vacation!

2008-07-11T15:24:00.007-07:00

I am finally back to work after an amazing whirlwind of a vacation with my dear cousin Katie, who flew in to have a bit of a getaway.

We stated by hitting all to great spots around Victoria for some fun touristy shopping and sightseeing: Inner Harbour an

d downtown, where we bought neat jewelry and new shoes, Chinatown, where Katie picked up some unique items, Whale Watching, where we saw a few porpoise and several killer whales, Canada Day Fireworks and c

razy mayhem downtown Victoria ("Darn you Birds!") and much more!

We then took a bit of a road trip up to Tofino for 2 nights of camping and fun. We set up camp and strolled the beach, poking at weird sea creatures, had a lovely cozy campfire and marveled at the LOUD rain that poured down the second we were tucked into bed.

We experienced another awesome whale watching trip in Tofino where we saw a Harbour Seal rookery, some Stellar Sea Lions, Sea Otters, Bald Eagles, two grey whales and a spectacular show from a rare group of Transient Orcas (you know, the black and white ones?), they kind that eat seals!

After t

he trip back to Victoria, we then headed over to Langley to visit with my sister, Angie and her husban

d Tom. We lounged, played Guitar Hero on their HUGE screen, visited some other friends and relatives and came home, Angie in tow.

Over the last few days of our holiday, Angie, Katie and I explored the Beacon Hill Petting Zoo, ate some yummy ice cream, walked

the Breakwater and once more strolled downtown.

On our last day, my mom joined us for a splendid Afternoon Tea at the White Heather Tea Room and a drive around scenic Victoria.

I was so very sad to see Katie leave, but we had such a wonderful time together with so many great memories to cherish!

I managed to snap almost 600 photos while Katie was here, but I won't post them all, don't worry! For an excellent sampling of all the BEST ones, click on the links below....you can see them even if you are not a part of Facebook. (Don't miss the awesome and utterly unreal whale watching photos!)

Album 1

Album 2

Album 3

Thanks for being my vacation partner, Katie! I'll miss ya!

Patience

2008-06-22T11:22:00.010-07:00

Today as I was muttering angry words under my breath at my computer screen, I had a moment of clarity...I was getting frustrated and very upset at an inanimate object that could not in any way respond to my audible impatience at the slow speed it was moving to do what I wished. My computer, more specifically one of the computers where I work, could never answer me with, "Sorry, I'm almost there. " or "Please be patient, I'm doing my best.", no it can only grind away or freeze up and not give me any sort of calming answer to my angry wait.

Why was I getting so upset? Why was I frustrated with a piece of plastic and metal? What good would come of me muttering and clicking with all my might? Nothing. It happened to be running slowly this day and there wasn't much I could do other than wait or stop it and start again and wait some more.

So I waited.

I breathed deeply, and did something I hadn't done in quite some time....I asked God for patience.

I asked for patience with this machine, and patience with myself to keep calm and figure out what I needed to do to get my morning work finished and done well.

As many who know me are aware, I am NOT a patient person by nature. I am not slow to anger, I am not always as collected and as easy going as I can often come across.

No, not at all.

I am easily frustrated, quick to mutter or express my anger and not a fun person to be around when I am upset or wanting something to move faster, or work better.

As this moment of clarity came, it was quickly followed up by an almost providential message I felt directed straight to me: our Pastor preached on "Patience".

He has been speaking on the Fruit of the Spirit for the past few months and today happened to be his message on Nurturing Spiritual Growth with lead to the main point on Patience. Some of the message hit me right where I needed it. First was that we need a partnership between God and us in order to nurture our spiritual garden. Our maturity in God is in our hands, God gives us love and grace but we need to constantly be hand in hand with our creator in order to strengthen and assist our spiritual life to grow and flower and blossom into a life close to God. Yes, we can be saved, but it is up to us to strive towards something even greater and sweeter.

He also told a story of when he had learned to drive and he pleased himself with his ability to honk the car's horn when people cut him off, or drove to slowly, or frustrated him. Yet when he drove with his father, he was abashed by the way his dad never used his horn. He had let several perfect opportunities to honk. When he asked about this, his dad said, "Son, I find if you wait a moment or two longer, people are usually quick to correct their mistakes and then nobody is embarrassed and things will move along smoothly."

Speaking of patience, he used two roots of the word Patience, from the Greek:
"Makrothumia, Patience with People"
&
"Humpomone, Patience with Things".

People who utilize patience do not lose heart. A Greek woman in our first service said there is a song in Greece that is still sung, about Hupomone, which says when you have it the skies turn bluer. How wonderful an image...the patient person's world can be enriched and they can see things not evident in their frustration.

I know I need patience, everyday, every week, I need patience with things and with people.

I want to be that strong, mature person, who can step back and let everyone have a moment to correct themselves and life will run more smoothly, be sweeter and more enjoyable.

Thanks God, for giving me the patience I need. Help me to not let the moment pass by when all I need to do is ask when I need it.

Falling

2008-06-15T19:49:00.009-07:00

I had always thought I would fall in love early in my twenties; 21, 22, 25....that I would have found someone who 'liked' me, who wanted to spend time with me, who returned my feelings of love.

Looking back, I realize now that that image, the image of 'falling in love' that I held in such high esteem, was not a proper tableau. I thought falling in love with someone meant finding a connection, a common attraction, a two-sided siege of emotions. Yet, in my personal version of 'falling in love', I forgot that often the 'falling' only happens on one side of the equation. I had simply assumed that if it happened for me, it of course, would happen for the other person as well.

Consequently, I have fallen many times, fallen hard, on my own.

With my exuberant nature and zest for life, my 'falling' emotions were always bubbling up and over, showing through my face, my smile, my blushing cheeks, and by my seemingly out-of-my-control actions.

Right from a young age I was 'boy-crazy', admiring and continually keeping secret crushes on several boys and young men, both local and the typical unattainable celebrities. Accordingly, I would write notes, letters, sit close to, pin up posters, listen to music and generally make a silly fool of myself trying to get that certain guy to notice and appreciate me if I could.

True, these times remained limited mostly to my childhood, teen years and very early adulthood, yet I cannot help but realize that these vain attempts at gathering attention subtly continue on into my adulthood much less childish ways.

Once I was able to drive and had my own vehicle, driving someone home or picking someone up became the mode of attention seeking and appreciation I sought out most vigorously. I also gave generous gifts and offers of special events when they came my way. These were not attempts by any means to buy affection or attention, no, they were simply times to spend with someone, to be there for them and to show them that I cared.

And care I certainly did.

When I felt those feelings of attraction, not just physically, but emotionally, to the person in question, I made true and honest inquiries into their lives. I listened. I felt elated or sad when they did. I remembered everything and many times surprised them by how much they had shared and how often I remembered some insignificant fact of their lives. It wasn't just so I could repeat their life's story by rote, it was that I genuinely cared for them, with deep and passionate feelings that embraced everything about them as I furthered my knowledge of them and their lives.

I know now that what I knew, remembered and could recall at a moment's notice scared them sometimes... how had I found that out? or where had I heard that? From them, of course, but the telling meant more to me than it did to them. I had become a casual listening ear from them to speak 'at' and not really 'to'.

Now, in the very latter part of my twenties, I know falling in love for me has always been a heart-wrenching and time-consuming one-sided event in the relatively short timeline of my life so far.

I'm sure some of them cared about me, on some level; friendship, acquaintance, pal....yet I was never the recipient of what I so desired...mutual feelings of care and respect and love.

I know deep, passionate love would come over time, but all along, what I most wanted was even just the flicker of affection, the hug of appreciation or the look of a caring companion.

Falling in love never lived up to my expectations.

Falling in love had me falling time and again on my own, left behind, heart in hand, wishing I had never loved at all.

No, I amend that thought.

I have never regretted those I have loved, only perhaps the intensity with which I showed my affection.

Looking back, I often blush with the thoughts of some of my actions and reactions to those I wished returned my feelings. As an adult, I feel foolish and silly, wondering if I had backed off, would our lives have taken an alternate path? I think not. I know I have so much love to give and perhaps the passion I hold at the tips of my fingers may scare some, yet I hope, I know that some day, someone will cross my path and need the great love I have to give.

One day I will fall and there will be someone to catch me and hold me and walk with me.

One day I will truly fall in love.

Looking Back

2008-06-15T19:28:00.006-07:00

I was flipping through my photos from a year ago, June 2007, and these few favourites popped out at me. I love this house and these foxglove flowers growing in the wild-ish garden out front. I put this first photo on the front cover of a weekly Bulletin at my church (because that's what I do) and I received several lovely comments and compliments on the pretty photo. Thanks!

I also remember walking along Dallas Road with Sophie, my dog, on this particular evening when the moon was shining so brightly. I appreciate the beautiful city I live in and I adore the beautiful creation God lets us live in.