Five Minute Friday - Journey

La Vibora at Six Flags Over Texas, 2009

I was chatting at lunch today with a few co-workers about our experiences on some amazing roller coasters at some of the best amusement parks across North America.

It's all about the ride.

We don't talk much about that short moment after, as the safety bar raises and you exit the car. That breath of relief, the plans for the next ride, the next activity.

We like to tell our story of the ride.

It's all about that journey, that ride, those ups and downs, every bone-shaking curve. It's all about the moments of anticipation as you clicky-clack up the hill and then the pause before the stomach-flopping decent. All the moments, thrilling or still.

Life should be that way, too.

Sure, we set goals or make plans, but make sure you don't miss the rest of life's journey.

It's all about the little things—the picnics along the way, the stops and starts, and restarts.

Life is about noticing the sunrises and sunsets.
Enjoying the feeling of sand between your toes.
The way your child or nephew or neighbourhood kid throws back their head to laugh.

It's about hugging a friend when they are down, having tea with your mother or grandmother, and taking a walk beside the sea on a windy day.

Life is a journey.

Don't forget that.

Stop for a moment, look around and enjoy it. 

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On Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them.

Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. THIS WEEK Link back HERE and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.


Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Write 31 Days - Cut

I have a scar on my left knee from a childhood cut.

I was a tough kid who played hard, so cuts and scrapes weren't unusual. But for some reason I remember getting this particular cut.

I was about 6 years old.
We were visiting friends in a smaller town about an hour away.

All the kids were playing outside on the pleasant summer's day.
Our friends, my siblings, other neighbourhood kids.

And there was a wagon involved.

I think we were riding in the wagon, down a hill, quite fast.

Something happened, maybe we hit a bump, maybe that little wagon was just not meant to be ridden downhill by two or three kids at that speed.

We tumbled out of the wagon and my knee hit the gravelly pavement, hard.

There was blood, and skin and though I was tough, there were a few tears.

My mom, in her calming way, dried my tears and took me inside to clean me up.

For some reason this is the first time I remember the feeling of hydrogen peroxide being poured onto a wound. Being the rough kid that I was I'm sure it had been administered before that moment, but this was an instance I clearly remembered.

That dark brown bottle tipped up and for a moment the pain was searingly worse. Then the liquid frothed and bubbled on the oval open wound on my knee. Like a an injured cub I cried out, not understanding that this additional pain would be worth it, would help my wound and start the process of healing.

The sharpness of the treatment stung badly but my mom's gentle cool hands patted and bandaged and sent me back outside to play.

I'm sure we played some more and I'm sure I was into more mischief by the end of that day.

I even managed to make everyone laugh when we were leaving, slapping a neighbourhood boy on the back and proclaiming, "Well, s'long Jeremy!" (A memorable moment that has become a family saying ever since.)


Now, as an adult with a few more scars and bumps along the way, I notice that half-inch line of a scar on my knee once in a while.

I remember that even when we are wounded, the pain doesn't last forever.
Though sharp and difficult to ignore, pain fades.

We can heal, we can be patched up, and sent back out to play.

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Write 31 Days - Confront

I am not great with confrontation, good or bad.
I don't like speaking up. I don't like when someone argues with me.
I get warm and panic inside as the blood visibly rushes to my face.
I never know what to say in the moment.

I am much, much better at ignoring a problem or letting it get buried deep down.
But that's never a solution to confrontation.

This September I decided it was high time to confront something head on, no matter what the outcome: my health.

I hadn't seen my doctor other than briefly for prescription renewals over the past several years so it was time for a check up.

First he gave me an order for blood work for pretty much everything just to have a starting point.
Then I had an appointment to go over all the test results.

Almost everything we tested was flagged at either too high or two low...and not in a good way.  
That was not quite a shock but still a little upsetting.

My doctor is on the quieter, more serious side, but he was kind and asked lots of good, thoughtful questions. We put some new treatments into motion addressing my lack of energy, poor sleep, and my weight issues, with which I've struggled all my life.

To hopefully avoid taking numerous new medications to lower some of those not-so-good numbers, for the next first six months I am going to try and start on a healthier path with better choices revolving around food and exercise.

Driving home after that appointment I was a bit of a basket case.
The tears flowed and I just couldn't wrap my head around how I'd gotten to this point in my life.
Not that anything was really bad, just borderline, and I could no longer ignore it.
I was just so very overwhelmed with everything.  

This was NOT where I wanted to be.
I didn't want pain or discomfort or weight to every hold me back from anything. And I've truly tried to not let it, but I has been happening more and more.
Now was time to put my plan into action for me to get health.

This had been coming for a long time. And now I was forcing myself to confront it.
But that was a good thing. A difficult thing, but a step in the right direction.

So far, things are going well. I'm feeling good.
We increased my dosage of my thyroid medication and I have more energy than I used to.
I'm making better choices, thus eating better and I'm down 15 pounds since I starting keep track at the beginning of September. A small victory!

I still tend to get overwhelmed easily and shut down or off and ignore what I need to do.
But I've been taking everything a little bit at a time, trying not to focus on the small tasks rather than the larger picture and have it overtake me.

I plan my week, taking time to make healthy meals that I can eat for lunch or supper. Lots of veggies, enough protein at every meal, less snacking, and forcing myself to get out to walk or some other exercise when I can.

I'm not thinking about this as a temporary thing...this is my life.
I cannot waste a moment.

I need to confront what's not working head-on and change, bit by bit until my life looks and feels like healthy and whole, noting holding me back.

Thanks for reading.
Thanks for not judging.
We are all on our own journey. 


I'm sure I'll write more on this topic as the weeks go on, so stay tuned!

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

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Five Minute Friday - Eat

Lately I've been making a concerted effort to make healthy meals at home.
(read about my health journey here)

I know many of us can get into a bad habit of eating out way too often, which is never a great idea for your health, let alone your monthly budget.
I've really been enjoying fresh local produce, yummy and filling salads, and easy hot meat and veggie dinners I can take to work.
Here are a few of my recent favourites.

Salads: I used to dread making and eating salads!
They always tasted the same. They never seemed filling or satisfying.
They never felt like a good, hearty meal.

BUT!
I've been experimenting and here are a few tricks I've learned that are helping me to LOVE my lunchtime or supper salads.

Romaine Hearts - these crisp, dark green leafy lettuces have been my staple base for my salads. Romaine is packed with nutrients—vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients and fiber!
They tend to stay crisp in my fridge for a week or two and can even replace taco shells or wraps for a change at meal times.

Bell Peppers - I never used to like peppers, but now I love the solid, tangy crunch these bright veggies add to my meal. I either dice them or I use my slicer (mandolin style, mine's from Epicure) to make thin strips (which can also be stored and used later sauteed for fajitas for stir frys!). Bell peppers are full of antioxidant and anti-inflammatory health benefits!

Tomatoes - Most summers I've tried to grow my own tomatoes. I had a decent crop this year of small cherry and romas and add a good 6-10 of these small fruits to my salads. Did you know that tomatoes have long been linked to heart health? Fresh tomatoes and tomato extracts have been shown to help lower total cholesterol!

I've also been enjoying using my slicer to add some more delicate slices of the more denser, hard veggies like carrots and radishes to my concoctions. (see photo above!)

I also have bulk bags of unsalted pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries in my freezer door and add a teaspoon or two of each to top off my lunch.

Some new toppers I've begun to incorporate are the Epicure brand nutritional yeasts—the Asian Umami or the Garlic & Onion. They contain inactive nutritional yeast offering a source of 8 essential vitamins & minerals. They have a rich almost cheesy flavour and have replaced my previous generous use of salt and pepper.

I'll also chop up an apple or add half a ripe avocado and finish off with some home made Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing (simple olive oil, balsamic vinaigrette and Epicure dry mix).

Protein at every meal is also important, so I've either been adding some chicken I've made the night before, or from a store-bought BBQ chicken, or even my own homemade meatballs! 

Now, maybe this isn't the way you'd make a salad, or maybe you really want to tell me I'm doing it all wrong. But hey, it's working for me so far. I'm enthused about making and eating my lunchtime salads so back off and make your own. 

No really, I encourage you to experiment and try out some new combinations for your salads. Add a fruit like a pear or mandarin oranges, add nuts or seeds like almonds or sunflower seeds. 

I'd also encourage you to find out more about Epicure products. Not because I want to push selling them (yes, I do work for Epicure!), but because I am enjoying them so much! They all enhance your food in a healthy, clean-eating way. I've already had to clean out my pantry to add all my new Epicure spice blends and other products and I'm having a blast discovering new uses and flavours from all the products I have. 

Happy cooking and healthy-eating!

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Write 31 Days - Sign

Do you ever ask for a sign?

Do you get stuck and need some help making a decision so you look up into the heavens with wide, desperate eyes and plead for some sort of amazing and obvious sign so you can make your choice and continue on your way, sure and confident, on your path?


I've have plenty of those moments and those signs have come in many different forms.


I've had decisions to make about whether or not to go back to school, what courses to take, what career path to follow...or not follow.

I've had to decide if it was right to leave University for a while and pursue something else, explore, find out what I didn't want to do.

I've had to choose whether to move back home, or move in with a friend, or which new home to settle in to.

I've had decisions come up regarding how to deal with issues in relationships, friendships, and co-workers.


Many large and small life decisions have found me asking for a sign, something visible, to help me on my way.


If you don't know me very well, you may not know that I have a strong belief in God and I am always striving to have a better relationship with Him.

I've asked Him for signs—for lightning, for rocks to move, and the sky to split. I've asked for clear direction and a blatantly obvious reveal to whatever choice had me stuck.

But I've found that bargaining with God doesn't work.

He works in His own time, not ours.

Though possible, He rarely works in grand, Yes or No, This Way or That Way, signs.

Most of the time, if you seek out His advice, His counsel, His directions, He does answer, but maybe not in the way you'd expect.

I've heard His voice, a quiet, gentle reminder nudging me in the way I knew I should go, or the action I should take that best represents how He would have us treat each other.

I've had larger, more obvious doors close or open that helped me make a major decision or set me on a different course than I'd previously mapped out.

Yet, if I didn't hear from Him, I still found a peace in knowing that if I trust Him and still fall, or stumble, or make a bad choice, He will be there to help me try again.

Signs can come in many forms.

A whisper.
A timely phone call or text.
A conviction of conscience.
A reminder from past decisions made.

I've learned how to listen for those small signs, though sometimes life can be too loud to hear them clearly.

I'm not usually gushy about my faith but some days I feel it's important to share how I'm feeling.


The passage below has been an important read for me today, a reminder not to bargain but to ask and trust God for what you need.

I hope that perhaps reading this today finds you in a place where you can seek out the answers you've been struggling with.

Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

Matthew 7:7-12 The Message

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

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Write 31 Days - Weekend

It's finally the weekend! Are you excited?
Do you have any big plans or are you a snuggle up at home kind of person?
Me, I'm a little of both, although this weekend I don't have any big plans lined up as of yet.

I am going to try and hit a movie this weekend. I've been wanting to see Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children or The Accountant. Check out some of the other movies I can't wait to see in the upcoming months here.

Just last night I caught a movie with my dad. We saw The Magnificent Seven. A fun, shoot-'em ALL up western with a good cast and a downright nasty villain. I'm sure I'll write a formal review at some point.

I also hope we have a few non-rainy hours this weekend so I can take my dog for a good walk somewhere. We love going down to Dallas Road where I can let her off-leash and she can run and play with lots of other dogs. Although Island View Beach has also become a favourite, see photo above.

Anther weekend goal for me is to get out and sort through all my jewelry-making supplies and stock because I've signed up for a few Christmas Markets with my jewelry and gifts line "West Coast Creations".


I have a few items still left from last season and a bunch of new ideas for fun creations for this year.
Watch for further updates as I'm sure I'll write about my creations again, or better yet, LIKE my West Coast Creations Facebook page and you'll always be updated and you can even order items from me via Facebook!

I also might work on my Halloween costume. It involves tulle, glitter and bright colours! You'll just have to wait to find out what I'll be!

What are your weekend plans?

• A cozy fire and some popcorn and Netflix or a good book?
• A movie or dinner out with your special someone or some awesome friends?
• Working around the house, getting some projects done that have been waiting for you?

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Five Minute Friday - Park

On Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them.

Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. THIS WEEK Link back HERE and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Thems the rules!

OK, are you ready?
The topic for today is:

Park…

GO!

 

 
I wasn't 16 when I finally got my Driver's License. In fact, I was just over 18.
It's not like I didn't want it, I just had other friends and family who were driving me all the time anyway, I didn't see the urgency.
I took the written Learner's test at age 16, passed and just never got around to leaning and taking my driving test. I took the written test a few more times to keep my Learner's permit—at that time I think your Learner's ran out after 6 months.

Finally I was feeling ready to take the driving test.
I had been out driving and practicing with my dad several times.
He was a great driving teacher and gave me all the basics I needed not to crash and burn or endanger anyone else on the road.

I even had one or two driving moments with my mom, but they didn't turn out great considering I was driving her manual transmission little car in which I hadn't really practiced before. And there was a hill, and it had been raining! I believe we even had to stop and switch places mid-hill because I just couldn't get the hang of shifting.

One of the best things my parents did for me was give me one driving lesson with a professional driving school instructor.

I was doing well with him on the road, in traffic, until we pulled down a residential road and he asked me to parallel park between two cars.
"Park? Here? Now?" I asked, trepidation evident in my wavering voice.
"Yes, right here looks good. Go ahead"
"But I've never..," I was terrified I would do it wrong and scrape both the instructors car and the cars on the street. Wasn't there some practice area with orange cones I could demolish first?!

However, the wise instructor calmly walked me through what to do.
"Pull up right beside the front car, back up and turn to a 45 degree angle until your front passenger window is even with the other car's back bumper then slowly straighten out as you continue backing into the space" he instructed as I nervously turned the steering wheel. (Of course he added all the safety checking necessary.)

A few moments later, and ta-dah! I had done it! My first time parallel parking and I had nailed it!
I had just needed the right description and the right instructions, simple and straight forward.

I still use his method of parking and still feel like a pro every time I ease into a tight spot without frustration. And I did get my driver's license after one passed road test!



STOP

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

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Write 31 Days - Move

I did a quick exercise and wrote down all the homes I've lived in and was shocked that it had been so many. I have moved 18 times in my life. Currently, that means I'm in my 19th home!
That's a LOT of packing and unpacking. Some, true, were only for a few months, but they were moves, nonetheless.

I started in Calgary, where I was born and we lived in one home on a farm there until moving to Victoria when I was 6 years old. I never thought I'd get over moving away from my friends, from our farm, or from the prairies in general. However, I quickly became a very West Coast girl and love Victoria!

My dad built three of the houses we lived in once in Victoria. In between houses, my family rented or stayed in guest suites for a short time. So the moves sure added up.

I don't mind moving, and I should be good at it now, but I hate the packing! Unpacking is like Christmas, you find surprise items in each box and search out a new place to put them. Packing is like Spring cleaning, only on a worse scale because of the time pressure and all the under-layer of things you find after packing up all the essentials. Yuck!

Moving was always a part of my life. It wasn't a big deal, in fact it felt sort of fun to search out the next place and make it our own. (I'm certain my parents would disagree!) Sure, it would have been fabulous to have stayed in one great house my entire life, but we always made it an adventure. Setting up house in a new place always felt like a new start, a fresh beginning where anything was possible. My parents always took care of us when we had to move and anytime I had to move as an adult God always seemed to take care of helping me find the perfect place, even when the pressure was on and time was running out.

I'll never dread moving because I can make anyplace "home".

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Five Minute Friday - Mail

On Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them.

Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. THIS WEEK Link back HERE and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Thems the rules!

OK, are you ready?
The topic for today is:

Test…

GO!

My grandmother, Dorothy Cole, is on the baby being held by her father, my great-grandfather.

I was never very good at sending mail. I'm pretty sure I still have several birthday cards tucked away on my shelves bought for certain people but never sent.

But of course, I love getting mail! Good mail, not junk mail or bills and the like.

The best bit of mail I received every year for quite a while growing up were my birthday letters from my Grandma.

She would take the time to hand write a letter to each of her grandchildren for many years on their birthday. And these weren't just letters about what she was up to that week, these were precious letters filled with memories of what she or my grandpa's life was like when they were our same age.

I heard all about living in Northern BC, about throwing dough out to feed chickens, about taking a boat to England and living there for a year, about all the handsome young soldiers who were stationed in her town and all about my grandma starting her own family and the mischief they got into and so forth.

These letters, though difficult at times to decipher with her famous shorthand and abbreviations, became a treasured gift every year.

I hope in this digital age, I can find a way to send special mementos and memories to my family.


STOP

Write 31 Days - Aware

I've always been a sensitive person. I take what others say and do and have a very difficult time not taking it to heart. I'm sensitive but sometimes you won't know it.
I tend to laugh off how I really feel, or bottle my emotions up so everything on the surface looks okay.

In fact, Okay or Fine are part of my everyday language.
Often times I feel like I *need* to be "Okay"or "Fine".
If I'm not those things...then I'd have to actually deal with not being fine or okay.

A lot of my time growing up I was the glue.
I was the glue in between friendships at school, I was the glue for family to keep everyone laughing, I was the glue that helped situations stick together. And when I couldn't be the glue, I could at least bounce between groups who weren't getting along and still be friends with everyone.

I was aware of what everyone was feeling and I'd always try to compensate. I'd try to fix, to mend, to stick back together whatever had broken down just by lightening the mood.

Somewhere along my journey, being aware and feeling...well, ALL of the feelings around me, it became too much.

In addition to trying to make everyone around me get along, or laugh or feel good, I wasn't good at expressing my own real, deep-down emotions and they'd build up until they would overflow.
Words had hurt me. But I had buried how deeply they had cut. I had been burned and let down and used a few too many times to trust easily again. 

So somewhere, sometime, I turned down my "aware-ness" radar.
I limited who I let in and who I chose to be around.

I didn't turn it completely off, mind you, my dial went from say, a 10 down to a 2 or 3.
I now have a close-knit group of friends on whom I can depend and care for in turn.

I've been working on some things in my life over the past year and slowly I'm finding ways to healthily deal with my own emotions and past feelings, but also learning how to deal with interacting with those around me.

I don't mind that I'm a sensitive person. I'm learning how to process when words get too hurtful or too close to stinging me and not to let myself get tread on too much. I'll speak up, or try again, or just let things slide off.

I'm aware and I'm making a conscious effort to get better at just doing life.

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

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Write 31 Days - Sky

Have you ever had a dream where you were flying?

Ever felt yourself soaring through the puffy clouds, wind grazing your face as you squint against the bright light of the warm, yellow sunlight?

Obviously, I have!

I've had dreams where I was flying, free of any encumbering plane, or apparatus, or jet pack...just flying. Who knows how, maybe I had super powers in those dreams.

I've also had a few dreams where I was piloting a super small helicopter, zooming over marshes and fields and forest, climbing over mountain peaks and down the slopes of glaciers.
And by super small, I mean my tiny helicopter was basically a glassed-in bubble, just fitting around me with the typical helicopter joystick for controls and small but powerful blades above my head.
I'm not sure why, but those mini helicopter dreams always wake me with such elation and joy.

I think maybe my second calling in life is to figure out a way to make tiny, personal flying devices.
Okay, perhaps not.

I do love to travel, though, and for me, one of the best moments is that tension-filled, exciting pull as your airplane surges forward on the runway finally freeing itself from the ground. I love that take-off moment!

I know maybe people don't care to fly, or even have major anxiety flying, but I've alwsy found the adventure in flight.
I always try to get myself a good window seat and stare out at the miniature world below as we climb into the clouds.

I'm not so sure, after all, that I would like my own personal aircraft, I feel pretty safe in my comfy seat with someone else who is skilled manning the controls. I like the rush but I don't really want to drive.

Sometimes we need that. We need to let go and let someone else be in charge.

Sometimes stepping back or down is the most difficult but best thing we can do.

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

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Write 31 Days - Thanks

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and no, not "Canadian" Thanksgiving...just plain old Thanksgiving.
I live in Canada, it goes without saying.

I had a great weekend visiting with family, enjoying my Mom's homemade turkey dinner with all of the fixings, and especially her scrumptious pumpkin pie!

We talked a bit about being thankful, and I am, very thankful.
I've even made a huge list of things I am thankful for over the past few years.
(You can find the posts that cover that list here.)

Today I have a few more items to add to that list.

• I am thankful for a friend who went to the trouble of putting a card and gift on my door on a day when I really needed some encouragement.
• I am thankful for a doctor who actually listened and asked thoughtful questions to get to the bottom of some issues I've been having.
• I am thankful for parents who support me when I succeed but also when I'm feeling like I am stumbling along.
• I am thankful for co-workers and bosses at my new job who are super encouraging and even nominate me to be "Star of the Month!" I've only been there for four months and already I am feeling accepted and appreciated!
• I am thankful for the gifts and talents that have been given to me that I can use to make the world a better place, even on such a small scale as this blog. If I can turn around and encourage one person, it's worth it.
• I am also thankful for all those who have spoken into my life over the years and for those amazing people who I know have prayed for me. You know who you are. I am eternally grateful and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
• My last thanks goes out to anyone who is reading my blog posts. Welcome! Look around and comment to let me know if anything speaks to you. 

For Thanksgiving I just want to say to all of you, "Thanks!"

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Write 31 Days - Unknown

When I was little I had a good idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up.
There was "Policeman", "Cowboy", even "Ballerina" for a short time.
And no, it didn't phase me that those vocations were probably not suited for a shorter, non-athletic, day-dreamer of a girl...who was definitely NOT a man or boy or dancer of any sort.

But there it was, I was a dreamer.
I told stories, I imagined things on a grand scale, and I played with an intensity that never seemed to dull or give in to the mundaneness of life.

I came by my big-thinking honestly. I had a mother who enjoyed life, who always commented on the beautiful mountains or pointed out even the smallest of wildlife to us on car trips. I had a father who cared for us and worked hard so we could enjoy our life, who showed his sly sense of humour at just the right times to make us laugh uproariously.

As I grew and learned and read and poured into my knowledge-eager brain, the possibilities of my future expanded to include "Writer" or "Teacher" or...anything! (Except perhaps mathematician or accountant!)

The only problem was that I was unsure of the unknown.
I didn't really know what I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do.

I tried out many things in school, even attending University and trying out a few different types of courses. Yet, I still felt like I was facing some big unknown.

I didn't have one single burning passion for a specific career choice as some young people seemed to. I didn't even seem to think that the things I was good at would translate into a job somewhere down the line.

I was facing the unknown void and staring at it as I traveled along my side of the crevasse, hoping to discern what lay ahead.

Years and several different jobs have gone by and I can tell you now that I am no longer staring into the unknown. My future didn't hang or depend on one single choice, I traveled my path, learning along the way, honing my skills, finding out what I was good at and here, now I am happy.

The unknown no longer shadows my steps.

I am living and enjoying life as I bring whatever gifts I have into the world to make it better.

It may have taken me a bit longer than most, but I've left the unknown behind me.

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Write 31 Days - Post-it

Once, when I was younger, though old enough to know better, I was on a road trip with a large group and we took the BC Ferries over to the mainland. For some reason I had a pack of brand new Post-it arrows in my bag, exactly like the image above. And maybe it was all the fun and laughter we were having, or maybe it was the momentary thought of doing something silly and bad just to make my friends laugh, we started pulling out these little orange arrow sticky notes and placing them all over the walls of the ferry.
Silly? Maybe.

They were plain, small arrows, with no writing on them, and not stuck on the walls haphazardly, but with careful purpose to have them all lined up straight and orderly as if they were all directing people towards something.
Getting funnier? Hmmm...

Of course we had a few laughs as we walked around and saw people puzzling at these arrows that led to nothing. And later we heard from some others in our group that a ferry employee was walking around removing them after us. Luckily we were never caught putting them up but the thought of what we did still makes me smile.
Truly funny? Maybe not.

But I also think about that ferry worker, or the people who were confused by our directionless markers. Our actions certainly didn't make them smile or laugh. And what a disappointment someone may have had to follow the arrows only to find them end or disappear, not to mention the possible danger if there had been an emergency and someone mistook our fake arrows for directions to safety!

It makes me smile but I also feel foolish.
 Foolish  that I was a young adult but still making childish decisions. And I wonder how I would feel, if I were following some interesting path only to have it be a joke or a prank or just dissolve into nothing.
Not fun.

Sometimes I feel like our actions imitate our lives.
I have felt at some points in my life like I was heading down a certain path, direction clear, roadway marked only to have the future suddenly look uncertain, and the path not as crisp and clear anymore.
But Post-its, I find, are probably not a good permanent source for leading someone on a path.
They are meant to be used as a reminder, a quick note, or as an afterthought stuck to the front of something permanent. Eventually they will un-stick, fall off, or be removed.

In life, I don't want to follow a removable Post-it trail.

I want to put my faith, my trust and my effort into following something with meaning.
I want to have my steps count, my effort build towards a promising end, and my way set out with a purpose.
Sure, I may not know what that full meaning or purpose is all at once, but along the way I can find what I'm good at and use it to make the world a better place.
I can trust that, though the path is not marked like my silly little orange arrow Post-its, my feet are being directed the right way forward.

What are you following? Something worthwhile? Or something fleeting?

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Write 31 Days - Muddle

Muddle

I'm not the best at handling confrontation.
But I'm working on it.

Usually I muddle my way through.
 I make mistakes, I may clam up and not say what I really want to, or lash out with emotion too soon, too fast.
But, as I said, I'm working on it.

I'm a great observer, I have been for most of my life.
I watch, I listen, I taken in sides, I try and ascertain motivations and reasons.
I've been an observer, on the sidelines per se, for many situations that I'd rather be playing on the field.
So you'd think, by now, I'd be adroit in my handling of many different types of situations and confirmations.
However, I have found that it takes practice, conditioning, and trial and error in order to not to muddle my way through.

I can stock up my knowledge and earn a quiver full of examples but until I am placed, smack-dab into a situation, I'm not sure how I will handle myself.
I will rely on what I've researched, observed, and learned.
Hopefully I won't make a mess of future confrontation, good or bad, when faced with it.

I don't want to muddle through.
I want to be prepared.
I want to be strong, calm, and have tactics on hand to deal with anything that comes my way.
I'd like to take "muddle" out of my vocabulary when pertaining to my personal situations and confrontations.

I'd rather be known as a problem solver than a mere muddler.
I'll do my best and try and be prepared. That's all we ever can be.

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This has been a writing prompt post from #Write31Days, join in the fun. 

Catch up on all my 31Days + 5MinFriday posts by clicking here. 

Five Minute Friday - TEST

On Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them.

Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. THIS WEEK Link back HERE and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Thems the rules!

OK, are you ready?
The topic for today is:

Test…

GO!


Test.
I hate tests.

It's not that I'm not good at them. I just hate studying for them.

I skim the material, make a few notes, and think I've got it.
But then I go to take the test and I'm not prepared.
I'm put under pressure and I panic.
Beads of perspiration dot on my forehead and my hands shake enough to worry me.
The page blurs and I fight my own exasperation with my foolishness.
I don't know the answers.
I guess. I estimate. I make it up.
I fudge my way through until the time is up or I've exhausted all the possible responses I can dredge up from the shallow depths of my knowledge.
I breath deep, try to fill in any last blanks and hand it in.
Done. Finished.
Relief.
Sort of.

I walk away unsatisfied. Knowing I could have done better.
Feeling shameful that I wasn't like all the other good students out there who had studied more than just the night before.
I crammed. I procrastinated.
I relied on my ability to fake my way through.

And that's how I'm living my life.

Enjoying myself, yes, but not paying attention to certain things that should be fixed, time spent on, waded through bit by bit instead of glossing over and not seeming to care.
I can't procrastinate any longer.
I can't ignore the warnings.
This is my life-test.

The pressure will only get worse and if I want to avoid feeling the shakes and the anxiety and the possible volcanic eruption of my buried mistakes and avoidances...I need to wise up and put in the work.
I need to smarten up, shape up, and do the work.

I only have one life to live and this pressure, this test, isn't going to go away.
I can pretend only for so long until something gives and I fail.

And failing isn't an option for me.

Stumbling along the way, sure.
I know I can get back up and try again and work harder and find more support. Do whatever I need to in order to pass and succeed, to do and BE well.

But failing now, quitting, giving up...they are not options.
This is one test I cannot get out of.

This test is my life.

STOP.