Oh for a Time Machine

Sometimes I really want to own a Time Machine.
Or a magic wand to alter the past.
Or a blackboard I can erase and wipe my personal slate clean.

Some days or weeks are just begging to begin again, to start over, new and fresh, full of better possibilities.

I know I can't go back and change the past.

With a few clicks on the internet I can try and delete and reorder and change things in the digital realm, however what's said has been said, and what's typed and seen lives forever.

I know I can't change the past...but some days I really wish I could.

Sometimes it's a moment or a chance, once gone, gone for good.
Sometimes it's a conversation taken the wrong way.
Sometimes it's news you wish to un-hear or an event you wish didn't have to happen.
Whatever it is, it's done, gone, said.

So. What can I do now?

I can learn.

Learn from a mistaken word.
Learn from what not to say.
Learn from what I could've said more clearly.
Learn that I am not in control.
Learn to trust.
Learn to forgive.
Learn to be more brave.

I can learn a lot from studying the past.

Maybe I need to become a better student.






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Time is...

"Time is

Too Slow for those who Wait,

Too Swift for those who Fear,

Too Long for those who Grieve,

Too Short for those who Rejoice;

But for those who Love,

Time is not.

~ Henry Van Dyke

Time.

When I was young it seemed like I had so much time, yet everything took way too long. Waiting for Jr High, then High School, the wait until I could drive, Graduation...

Then something happened in those years from High School Graduation and the beginning of University...I realized that I missed my younger years already. I missed being a child and having little to no responsibilities, I missed feeling free and unburdened. Not to say that my childhood was perfect in any sense, I mean, it was good and fun, but I had my trials as most children do. If I had to go back and live through my childhood again, knowing what I know now, you can believe that I would stand up to certain bullies, work harder at certain subjects, and never, ever miss an opportunity to have fun!

This feeling of missing my younger years began to shape my personality in my twenties. I wasn't ready to let go and put away childish things. I clung to the fun, the bright, and took chances to keep myself from getting bored or boring. In some ways those years of shaping still linger in me today.