January 12, 2008

To sleep, perchance to dream...

Have you ever been so tired that you can no longer go to sleep?
Well, as you can possibly see, it is currently well past 4:00 a.m. and I am foolishly still up, awake and posting on my blog.
I'm not sure what exact medical term applies here, but for some reason if I stay up past midnight, my body and mind get a second, third and even fourth 'wind' and I just keep going...staying awake, reading or watching something on video or on my computer. There is no tired feeling, just a pair of open eyes and an almost bored sense that I must keep finding something to do other than sleep.
I almost have to force myself to get into bed, shut off the lights and screens and lay there until finally, blessedly, sleep comes to visit me.
I guess it doesn't help that I know tomorrow is my day off and I totally intend on sleeping in. Not-so-subconsciously I am telling myself, "It's okay, stay up a little longer. You can sleep in. No problem!"
Shaaa, great idea, stay up well into the wee hours of the morning, sleep in a lot and get nothing done that I had planned and waste another day. This is beginning to feel like a little "deja vu" every night-before-a-day-off.
However, I must say that I thoroughly enjoy my late nights and morning sleep-ins. I enjoy a good book, or catch up on a few episodes of whatever thought-provoking show I am into at the moment.
I have even stayed up late on a work-day night this week because of a good book.
Man, I miss that feeling; the one where every chapter feels like it's only been a page and you only notice how late it is when your body begins to cramp up from staying still during the fast and intense reading that happens with a novel you just cannot put down.
Ah sleep.
I think I actually feel it calling me now. I'm not as tired as I was at around 3:30 p.m. today, or at about 11:30 p.m., but I know I need it. My body will feel it tomorrow if I don't go now.
Then there is the worst feeling when staying up on a night when you know you have to get up early the next day. You lay there and at every hour you think, "OK, if I go to sleep -now- I will get at least six hours of sleep. Six hours, that okay, not too bad, pretty decent actually...." then a while later you get desperate, "Crap, if I get to sleep in the next half hour I'll have four hours of sleep. Four, Hmmm, not good. I'll be tired and groggy and....crapity-crap, three hours until the alarm jolts me awake! Sleep! Shut my eyes and sleep....."
Usually on those fateful, groggy mornings after a late night there is the dread at getting up. I have had many a morning where I keep 'snoozing' my alarm and think, "I can get ready in only an hour....45 minutes, yes, I can do it....ok, ok, 30 minutes is the absolute minimum for getting up and to work....oh ok, so I'll be a little late....I can get 10 more minutes...."
We all need it.
Some sleep at every opportunity. Naps, snoozes, siestas....after work, in the car at lunch, the famous Sunday afternoon nap. I rarely nap, yet when I do it feels both satisfying, like I've gained a whole day of rest, and bitter-sweet because I know that is a hour I will never get back and all I did is sleep. It's not as if I was going to change the world in that hour, it's just a feeling of anxiousness over the loss of it.
So again, sleep.
I must go try and get some. I will try to close my eyes and think if soothing things and lovely dreams....those dreams may come to me before I forget them or I may slip into Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow. slumber before I even realize it.

~ K

PS - Are you a sleeper who prefers ambient room noise or the totally deafening silence of a quiet room? For a few days my computer, which lives in my bedroom, was taking a leave of absence and my home was eerily silent. I had never even noticed the noise form the fans and the little LED lights that glowed in my dark cavern-like room until they were ripped away from me. I admit that I slept well, but I truly believe I fall to sleep much easier with the slight whirring sounds and soft blue glow of my friend the PC watching over me as I drift away.
Anyway...look how I have stalled a few more precious sleep-minutes.

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. "

1 comment:

FooFooBerry said...

Hope you got a few hours of rest. I have a salve I made that I put under my nose if I don't feel ready for sleep and it helps. I know what you mean though about feeling wide awake and not wanting to sleep but knowing you should.

Personally I prefer it to be quiet to sleep well. I remember at camp though somehow I managed to sleep even among the campers chatting etc.

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