Dear Date...The Deserted Thirties

Join me for a series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..." 

where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating.

Previous topics in my "Dear Date..." series:
Are you Ready? Communication is Important! Internet Dating Dos & Don'ts.  Venue & Conversation Tips. And the most important...First Lesson: Have a Job."

Yes, I am in my thirties.
And no, I have not ever been close to being engaged, or married.
I am single.

Yes, that's right, I am single and not only am I in my thirties, I am exactly in my mid-thirties!
When did that happen?!?

Being in my thirties and single feels like being inside a black hole or the Kalahari desert.
Way off in the distance there is a glimmer or hope, of civilization, but where I am now it feels like no one understands. It feels lonesome, scary and a flickering contrast between being in the stark blinding spotlight or in the eerie blackness of invisibility.

Sometimes it even kind of feels like I'm a oddity at some old-timey side show.A man with a greasy mustache should be barking out to the crowd, "Step right up folks, behind this here curtain you will see a wonder of wonders, the very unique and rarely-before seen creature ever you laid eyes upon....it's the one and only, heavily endangered Thirty-Something Singleton! Yes, we have ourselves a real odd ball you ain't never gonna see anywheres else! Pay yer quarter and take a gander at 'er!"

I know it's not all that bad.

But some days it sure feels like I'm some alien that no one can comprehend.

My single 30's brain and heart work and tick so differently from everyone else.
They try to understand, oh yes, they try, but some days we need to flip through the yellow pages and find that ever-elusive ad for a single-to-non-single language and feelings interpreter.

You see, if you've been married or are married, young or old, you tend to forget what it's like.
Or you never even knew what it was like because you've never spent this many single years on your own.
You've never watched every one of your friends get married and have kids. 

Or if you have been married and now find yourself single and in your 30s, I'm sure you feel similarly confused and mislabeled.
Are you a "family" person now? Or back to being with the "singles" crowd?
And most of the "singles" around you are still in their 20s and either still in school or too young to even think about marriage yet.

Being single and 30-something is a rarity, and it is esspecially compounded by being single and Christian and 30-something! The veritable dating "pool" around you is shrinking eponentially by the milisecond or it does not even exist.
I'm not in my 20's anymore.
I'm not interested in dating forever or just for fun.
Most importantly, I'm not willing to sacrifice my beliefs just to settle down for the sake of just having someone.

I'm single. And I'm okay with that fact. 

For now.

Dear Date, if you find yourself in a similar situation, don't lose hope!

It's a desert out here, but on the horizon I see an oasis....or is it another mirage?

At the moment, I can't tell...but it's something.

(* As always, these amazing illustrations are courtesy of one of my favourite websites: explodingdog.com)

Dear Date...Are you ready? I think I am!

Join me for a series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..." 

where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating.

Previously on my "Dear Date..." series:
"I'm in my 30s, single and a Christian. The dating pool is so very small. It's difficult to meet people. Communication is Important! Internet Dating Dos & Don'ts.  Venue & Conversation Tips. And the most important...First Lesson: Have a Job."

There, you are all caught up, or you can go back to read my previous episodes and have a good chuckle.

It's been 2 years since my last "Dear Date" post and I can actually say that I am refreshed and rejuvenated from that little hiatus in dishing out the details of decent dating dos and don'ts.

I will also admit that I have let lapse whatever internet dating sites I was previously on and subscribed to.
I needed a break from the constant window shopping and judging on both sides of the computer monitor.
This is not to say that I won't ever try internet dating again, just not at the moment.

In the meantime, I've done a bit of introspective work in setting my own goals and getting my own heart in the right place to go forward into the world of singleness.

I'm not 100% certain, but perhaps 92.3% sure that I am, in fact, quite ready to  be in a relationship with someone.

 

Looking back, I was not at all ready.
I was a poor personal communicator, I was a little too focused on what I didn't have and not dwelling on all I should be thankful for, I wasn't taking time to truly enjoy my life the way it was and I rarely made an effort to meet new people and make new friends outside of my small circle.

Lately, I am enjoying life much more and taking time to find joy over sorrow. I am having fun at both my job and my hobbies and I am trying to be an encourager and a can-do type of person. I am branching out of my inner circle of best friends and making an effort to hang out with new people and get to know some acquaintances much better...and having a blast at the same time!! (Bonfires & BBQs!!!)

Mostly, I've had a real and amazing experience with God over the past few months (I'm sure I'll be sharing more on that soon), where He has taught me a few things and reassured me of many more.

I am daily seeking to find JOY and taking steps to try and be much more BRAVE than I used to be.

As far as dating is concerned, yes, I am still trying to find a good catch in small pool consisting of datable, single, Christian men, but I am not worried or anxious. I am TRUSTING God to lead me and direct me as I do my part to BE MYSELF.

So, "Dear Date", today my advice to you is the same advice I have needed: 

•  Seek JOY in your life. Joy in the things that make you happy and joy in the little bits of life that we tend to gloss over and look past. 
• Be BRAVE. Take a risk and hang out with some new people. Talk to some of them. Find out more about them and keep in touch. Do things that scare you a little and know that you CAN DO it! Or at least you can try!!
• BE YOURSELF. You don't ever have to be anyone else, just BE YOU, but be you fully alive! 
• Lastly, some advice that I need to be reminded of daily - If you believe in God, TRUST Him and let Him be your ALL. He knows the deepest desires of your heart and if you seek him first He will reward you with amazing things!

 To all you single people out there, have an excellent day, week, month, year and may your journey be full of fun, laughter, challenges and may you be on your way towards amazing relationships!!


(* As always, these amazing illustrations are courtesy of one of my favourite websites: explodingdog.com)

Dear Date: Communication Weakling or Warrior?

Join me for a this series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..."
where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating. 

Say it, Don't just Type it!

In any relationship, communication is key.

And by key, I mean pretty much the most essential and important skill both parties can arm themselves with on that battlefield Pat Benatar called Love.

This weapon skill, communication, can either be honed, sharp, strategic and well-used or it can also be poor, weak, misguided and just plain invisible.

Dear Date...Internet Dating - Dos & Don'ts

Join me for a new series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..." 

where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating.

Internet Dating....Some Do's and Don'ts!
You've done it, I know you have, you've signed-up for a free trial or a free weekend or a free test drive on one of the many dating websites out there. 
You and me both! 
I've tried just about all of them off and on, good or bad and here are a few pointers from what I have learned for both men and women.

Dear Date...Ukulele Music? Really?

Join me for a new series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..." 
where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating.

Previously on the first episode of "Dear Date..."


"I'm 33, single and a Christian.
The dating pool is so very small.
It's difficult to meet people.
YES I have tried Internet dating.
And the first thing you need to know: Be employed. Somewhere, anywhere, have some sort of a job."

There. You're all caught up.

In today's episode, I'd like to speak to all the would-be dating men out there about:
Date Number 2 - Venue and Conversation

Dear Date...You are Job!

Join me for a new series on my blog entitled "Dear Date..."
where I share my insights and anecdotes into the exciting and often frustrating world of dating.



I am 33, single and to top it all off, a Christian.

Word.

That sound you just heard was the dating 'ocean' shrinking considerably into a puddle-sized pool full of kooks, close-enough-to-be-relatives, and unfamiliars that I pray find me somehow, by some miracle.