On Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them.
Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. THIS WEEK Link back HERE and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Thems the rules!
OK, are you ready?
The topic for today is:
I hate tests.
It's not that I'm not good at them. I just hate studying for them.
I skim the material, make a few notes, and think I've got it.
But then I go to take the test and I'm not prepared.
I'm put under pressure and I panic.
Beads of perspiration dot on my forehead and my hands shake enough to worry me.
The page blurs and I fight my own exasperation with my foolishness.
I don't know the answers.
I guess. I estimate. I make it up.
I fudge my way through until the time is up or I've exhausted all the possible responses I can dredge up from the shallow depths of my knowledge.
I breath deep, try to fill in any last blanks and hand it in.
I walk away unsatisfied. Knowing I could have done better.
Feeling shameful that I wasn't like all the other good students out there who had studied more than just the night before.
I crammed. I procrastinated.
I relied on my ability to fake my way through.
And that's how I'm living my life.
Enjoying myself, yes, but not paying attention to certain things that should be fixed, time spent on, waded through bit by bit instead of glossing over and not seeming to care.
I can't procrastinate any longer.
I can't ignore the warnings.
This is my life-test.
The pressure will only get worse and if I want to avoid feeling the shakes and the anxiety and the possible volcanic eruption of my buried mistakes and avoidances...I need to wise up and put in the work.
I need to smarten up, shape up, and do the work.
I only have one life to live and this pressure, this test, isn't going to go away.
I can pretend only for so long until something gives and I fail.
And failing isn't an option for me.
Stumbling along the way, sure.
I know I can get back up and try again and work harder and find more support. Do whatever I need to in order to pass and succeed, to do and BE well.
But failing now, quitting, giving up...they are not options.
This is one test I cannot get out of.
This test is my life.